I read an article the other day written by a man who had lost a cat. (you can read that article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-zadoorian/there-is-nothing-inappropriate-grieving-cat_b_9954564.html)
This man felt that he was grieving excessively over his loss. He said that men were perceived as weak for crying over a the death of a pet, and so he had not only the force of his sadness to deal with, but the feelings of shame over having those feelings.
As I read his words, I realized I was experiencing the same vicious cycle.
I certainly don't think that the strength of my grief is in any way inappropriate, these were my *friends* after all, but I do harbor a certain reluctance to talk about it because I'm afraid that people will think somehow less of me for it. So far, nobody has come to me and said "Let it go Grace, they were just cats. Why aren't you over this yet???" But every time I post one of these updates, some part of me is waiting for that response from my readers.
A few years ago, someone asked me why they weren't "over something" from their recent past. They went on to say that they felt abandoned by some of their friends for "not getting over it fast enough". If I were in the same room with the man who wrote the article, I would tell him the same thing that I told my friend; "Grief is a very individual thing-specific to, and different for, each person. Your grief is your grief-nobody else can know it, nobody else has the strengths and challenges that you have. Nobody has your history or your exact perspective.
They are not qualified to judge, so go through it at your own speed; you'll reach the end when you're ready.
In other words, it will take as long as it takes, but fortunately not one minute longer. "
Follow my own advice?
I'm working on it.
Time is running out! I'll be closing this campaign down at the end of June-if you can help out, NOW is the time! Your generosity can get me that much closer to the goal before I'm forced to give up and go it alone.
If you cannot give at this time, or if you have already become a part of the extended family, sharing this update will also help get the word out!
As always, thank you for reading!
Much Love
Grace
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