Here's why.
It's because it isn't.
And if someone looks to me, and thinks I'm having an easy time of it all, they begin to worry that there's something wrong with themselves if they are having problems.
So...
I made a mistake today. It was a tiny thing, I was visiting a friend, and I put something in the wrong spot, and the other person involved approached me and explained gently what the issue was, why it was that way, and asked me to do something else. He wasn't angry. He wasn't hateful. He didn't beat up on me about it.
He didn't have to.
Because I spend the next two hours beating up on myself enough for the both of us, and everyone else on the block (and their pets-and possibly their plants as well.). You know how that works; you're embarrased over what happens so you get mad at yourself. But NO! I'm a Spiritual Being! I forgive, and accept and, and and-!!
"And" nothing-you're mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself.
And I didn't stop there.
I went on to tell myself that I was somehow less competent than other people who seemed to "get it". That I would never "get it". I wasn't as good as they were. I was useless, I never did anything right, I didn't deserve to have a happy life because I was just so plain stupid. Why couldn't I make this work? (Oh, I had an answer to that, too.)
I just wasn't meant to be happy.
What a vicious cycle.
Sound familiar?
So, back to it "being easy"...
When I first began to study Shamanism about 14 years ago, and through that the odd mix of Spiritual views I practise now, I began with simply noticing what thoughts were dominant in my mind. I didn't try to change them, I just noticed them. I was reading a book called "Urban Shaman" by Serge Kahili King at the time, and that was what the book listed as the "first step". Just taking a step back and looking without judgement at what that voice in your head was telling you-and how often it spoke.
What you might not understand here is that, in the beginning it was happening virtually 24/7. I mean, ALL THE TIME. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was one, non-stop tirade of negative down-talk. I was certainly starting from a point at which is wasn't possible to sink any lower.
13 YEARS later, it still happens.
Not nearly as often, thank goodness-but when it does, it's still brings me to my knees.
So, don't feel too bad.
Obviously, I still struggle.
I wrote 6 pages in my journal today while I worked through that mistake.
Mistake? Well...let's look at it another way.
There are no mistakes.
What happened alerted me to something that I did not like. With some pondering I was able to glean from that what my preferences were. Once I did that, I had something to aim for-the feeling of what it would be like to have what I wanted. What a wonderful key I was given-and I might not have discovered this if I hadn't had this experience. So...was it a "mistake"?
I don't think so.
You shouldn't either. :)
Sure, for the three or so hours I spent wrestling with it-let's face it-it SUCKED.
But though it may sting a little, we can all choose to focus on what we learn.
Eventually, that's all we'll remember.
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