Love Difficult People

I never do anything the easy way, not ever.
I like it that way.

You see, some people search for those who make them comfortable with who they are-they feel that these people complete them.  They want people who reflect back to them only the stuff they want to see.
And that’s fine.
But the problem is, is that if someone else completes them, they never grow. 
They will always be the same person they are now, incomplete without the crutch, never seeing the things that lead to growth. 
Some people spend their lives trying to adjust themselves to keep ahold of  the mirror that shows them all the pretty things they want to see.
They say, “I love you, and I need you to be this way if you want to ensure that I continue to love you because I can’t provide that piece for myself, .”  Sure, they may be comfortable for a time, but trust me on this- they have given away their power and are in survival mode; looking to maintain the attachment for the rest of their lives. 
When they look back searching for success, they will only find reminders of what they lost.

But others look for those who challenge them.  They search out people who make them grow, and through that growth they become better people.  It isn’t easy, and it isn’t always fun-but in the end what they learn is worth more than a thousand lives of comfort.
They appreciate difficult people who teach them to be responsible for their own actions.  Challenging people teach us to stand on our own because we are complete within ourselves.  We may have started by looking at ourselves and not liking what we see, and we may blame the other person for highlighting that; but we end by learning to love ALL of ourselves-and only that way can we ever learn to love anyone else.  They help us to change, and they give us a means to discover what we truly value, and what is really valuable.

People who challenge us stand in recognition of all that we are, and all that we could be.  They cause us to say, “I Love you in this moment, but I do not need you.  I choose to Love you in the next moment, and all the moments to come and I will Love you no matter who you are, and no matter what you do or how you change.”

When someone loves themselves because of what someone else sees, they need that someone else to reflect that back to them. 
But when someone loves themselves reregardless of what they see,  the WHOLE WORLD  will reflect to them the essence of that Love, and that Love will be shown no matter who they are.

These people are your Soul Mates, your Twin Flames.  They are part of you, embodied in another and exist to push you beyond your comfort zone. 
Sure, there is the risk of getting hurt, and it's WORK-but the gift of self-Love and self-Realization is worth it.
Take the easy way out?
Not me.
Not ever.
 I like it this way.

Tell Yourself What You Want To Hear; An Exercise

Continuing the theme of letting people know more about the kinds of things I still struggle with; I have to admit that sometimes, I look to outside sources for validation.
Bad Shaman!

Even a lot of people who don't study this stuff know (most of the time) that our happiness has to come from inside of us.

The Universe does not supply you with happiness, it only reflects the happiness that you find already within yourself.
Consider the Bible, Luke 17:21, "nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you."
Or this one;
"All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, We make our world." - Buddha

They are both saying the same thing.
Well, the Universe is a pretty literal place and so if you think that you're not happy because you lack something from the outside, the All-That-Is will take that as a statement of fact and-poof!-you will exist as NOT HAPPY and LACKING something from the outside!
This may sound counter-intuitive to many of you but the ancient Wisdom understood that what you see as "reality" is really only a mirror of what is inside of you. Instead of looking to others to tell you what you want to hear to make you happy, tell yourself. Tell yourself enough times that you believe it because the only person's recognition you need is your own. If you don't believe in yourself, you may find temporary validation outside-say, via a lover or a family member, but it won't last and it will never be enough.
I know this. And yet, I still find myself wanting my friends, or family, or Lover to be proud of me. I want them to tell me all the nifty little things I want to hear, and I still fool myself into believing that I'll be happy when I hear them. And I still catch myself comparing myself to others and thinking "I'd be happy, if only...".

So...

I happened to mention all this to someone, wondering about how to reach inside myself and pull out these feelings and his reply was,
"What do you want to hear?"
So I thought about that, and wrote it in my journal.
I started with "I love you." (that seemed as good a place as any to start)
But the phrase "I love you" sounds a bit silly when you say it to yourself, and it was still something that I thought of someone else saying to me.  So I rewrote it.  "I love me".  That seemed a little closer but still "outside myself" so I brought it in a little closer.
"I am worthy of love."
Now I thought I was on the right track.  That didn't depend on anyone else to provide something for me.
So I ran with it.
(Inside comment)  "I am worthy of Love."
(outside comment) "People show that they love me every day."
(Inside comment) "I experience love every day."
(outside comment) "I enjoy being loved."
(inside comment) "I enjoy loving."
(outside comment) "People love me the way I want to be loved."
(inside comment) "I am loved the way I want to be loved"

And I alternated back and forth, taking a moment to feel the energy of each phrase and how it differed from inside to outside.  (here's a hint; the outside comments made a tightness in my chest and the inside comments tended to create an expansive, relaxed feeling)
It may be different for you.

I ended that list when I felt I was straining to come up with things and moved onto the next phrase.
"I'm proud of you."
"I'm proud of me."
"I'm proud of who I am."
(outside) "I like it when people are proud of me."
(inside) "I take pride in what I do."
(outside) "I work hard to satisfy others."
(inside) "I experience satisfaction for a job well done."

I admit, this was a short list, but it was a start-and I'm proud of myself :)

The last one I worked on today was, "You make me happy."
"I make me happy."
(inside) "I choose to be happy."
(outside) "I have reasons to be happy all around me."
(inside) "I deserve to be happy."
(outside) "I know the Universe wants me to be happy."
(inside) "I accept happiness."
(inside) "My natural state is to be happy."

What do you do with a list like this?
Well....

A belief is just a habit of thought-a thought you keep thinking.  Once a thought becomes a habit, it becomes a belief. 
Let me take a second to clarify something.  We can know something is irrational when we think it-we know it isn't really a "belief"-but all thoughts carry vibrations and a negative thought that you keep thinking puts out vibrations too. So for the purposes of this post I'm treating them as beliefs because they will also cause reflections in the world around you even though intellectually you may understand that it's just a recurring thought.


This is just a way to "fine tune" your thoughts.  There is really no difference between inside or outside thoughts other than your outside thoughts are more dependent on forces which are perceived as coming from a source that is outside of (i.e. NOT) yourself.  (Many Shamans refer to this as "giving away your power" because it puts the results you want in the hands of others.)  But if this is where you start until you figure out what works best for you, then so be it.  There is still a LOT of value in finding things in your reality to appreciate, Love, experience, etc. even if they are in your environment. 

So...
I said what I had to say; expression makes me happy, happiness is my natural state.
Nothing else matters.
:)

Writing From the Bottom of the Barrel

I don't consider it a complement when people tell me that I make Spiritual growth "look easy".
Here's why.

It's because it isn't.
And if someone looks to me, and thinks I'm having an easy time of it all, they begin to worry that there's something wrong with themselves if they are having problems.
So...

I made a mistake today.  It was a tiny thing, I was visiting a friend, and I put something in the wrong spot, and the other person involved approached me and explained gently what the issue was, why it was that way, and asked me to do something else.  He wasn't angry.  He wasn't hateful.  He didn't beat up on me about it.
He didn't have to.
Because I spend the next two hours beating up on myself enough for the both of us, and everyone else on the block (and their pets-and possibly their plants as well.).  You know how that works; you're embarrased over what happens so you get mad at yourself.  But NO!  I'm a Spiritual Being!  I forgive, and accept and, and and-!!
"And" nothing-you're mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself. 
And I didn't stop there. 
I went on to tell myself that I was somehow less competent than other people who seemed to "get it".  That I would never "get it".  I wasn't as good as they were.  I was useless, I never did anything right, I didn't deserve to have a happy life because I was just so plain stupid.  Why couldn't I make this work? (Oh, I had an answer to that, too.)
I just wasn't meant to be happy.
What a vicious cycle.
Sound familiar?
So, back to it "being easy"...

When I first began to study Shamanism about 14 years ago, and through that the odd mix of Spiritual views I practise now, I began with simply noticing what thoughts were dominant in my mind.  I didn't try to change them, I just noticed them.  I was reading a book called "Urban Shaman" by Serge Kahili King at the time, and that was what the book listed as the "first step".  Just taking a step back and looking without judgement at what that voice in your head was telling you-and how often it spoke.
What you might not understand here is that, in the beginning it was happening virtually 24/7.  I mean, ALL THE TIME. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was one, non-stop tirade of negative down-talk.  I was certainly starting from a point at which is wasn't possible to sink any lower.
13 YEARS later, it still happens.

Not nearly as often, thank goodness-but when it does, it's still brings me to my knees.
So, don't feel too bad.
Obviously, I still struggle.
I wrote 6 pages in my journal today while I worked through that mistake.

Mistake?  Well...let's look at it another way. 
There are no mistakes.
What happened alerted me to something that I did not like.  With some pondering I was able to glean from that what my preferences were.  Once I did that, I had something to aim for-the feeling of what it would be like to have what I wanted.  What a wonderful key I was given-and I might not have discovered this if I hadn't had this experience.  So...was it a "mistake"?
I don't think so.
You shouldn't either. :)
Sure, for the three or so hours I spent wrestling with it-let's face it-it SUCKED.
But though it may sting a little, we can all choose to focus on what we learn. 
Eventually, that's all we'll remember.

On empowerment

"Empowerment is, in part, the ability to look at reality and say 'I know what I want, I deserve what I want, and this isn't it.'; and then walking away because you realize that you don't need it to be happy."
-Grace Gemini