Yesterday I posted an entry concerning the memories and synchronicity that had been manifesting around me. (You can read that here: http://grace-in-search-of-grace.blogspot.com/2014/07/dog-gone.html )
I was at a loss as to why this was coming up now
Well, this morning I had a sort of epiphany.
In addition to the dog videos that have come across my path, there have also been a number of recent cases where I have been asked to assist in the re-homing of a pet.
The most recent was just this morning, in fact.
Now, I don't really consider myself to be an Animal Activist, but one thing that deeply saddens me is the thought of an animal being unwanted. Without getting into the reasons behind this (that's for another entry!) I resonate strongly with that feeling.
Looking back on this, I realized that there was, indeed, a connection
to the processing that I began not too long ago. So now, it is clear
that the thought of an unwanted animal really ties into my own feelings
of abandonment. After all, what is more forsaken than a companion
animal who is taken into a home with the inherent obligation that that
action includes a life-time of love and care, only to be left by the people it loves.
I've seen
stories and videos of companion animals living in the garage next to the
house they used to live in for as long as two years, waiting for their deceased owners to return.
I do not know if animals are capable of the kind of processing
necessary to understand and integrate the experience, but I'm sure that the loss does not go unnoticed.
The memory that came up is all tangled up in the feelings of abandonment/forsaken/unwanted/bereft-and, perhaps not-so coincidentally, all these words have come up in my journal work in recent weeks.
I find that I have a passion for connecting abandoned companion animals with new owners who will Love them. Obviously, in doing that, I am attempting to ameliorate some of my own energetic baggage.
The experience with my neighbor's dog coming up at this time, also makes sense to me now.
As humans, we do not really possess a "thinking body" until we are about
8 years old. Before that age, we simply feel, and sometimes as we get
older, we are left with memories that consist of feelings and emotions
but have no real words associated with them.
The current "Me" has the sophistication to understand that it may be gentler and more loving to let an animal go. There are pain and quality of life issues that need to be addressed, and I can deal with that now.
But, the 7 year old "Then Me" did not have those intellectual resources.
As far as I knew, Duffy was taken away because he was old. I didn't see why that was necessary-my grandparents were old, and nobody was taking *them* away. I must have found it terribly unfair. I must have thought that he was simply unwanted, and that it was tragic to be put out simply for that reason when *I* sure wanted him.
I guess it's a good thing for something that I had obviously shut out for so long to come up for integration.
I guess it's a good thing to have just that much more understanding of why I do things the way I do.
I guess it's a good thing to become more familiar with who I really am.
I guess I have reasons now to be grateful for those experiences which led to it all.
Sooo.....
Godspeed Duffy, King, Dukey, Shoep, Je-ju, Mitsy, Bell, Snowball, Zephyr, and all the others.
And, Thank you.
Showing posts with label bashar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bashar. Show all posts
Friday, July 18, 2014
Monday, November 04, 2013
Tell It To The Judge.
Ugly.
Stupid.
Smelly.
Sickening.
Racist.
Disgusting.
Many of you who read the above words will experience a feeling of discomfort.
When a word evokes an unpleasant or uncomfortable feeling from an individual, the word is sometimes said to "carry a negative emotional charge". Every word you speak, think or write carries an emotional charge-which is largely determined by the experiences and perspective of the listener/thinker/reader.
Writers are particularly aware of this. Just as visual artists use symbols, form and color to evoke or convey emotion, writers use things like word choice, punctuation and adjectives to evoke certain emotions from their readers-this is how they convey the meaning of the story-and keep people interested in reading their books!
When a person assigns a (most often negatively) charged word to a situation or thing, they are often said to be "judgmental"-and this is often vilified by the New Age Community.
Are they?
OF COURSE THEY ARE.
But is this necessarily a "bad" thing?
Of all the words in use in our language today, especially among those of the New Age Community, I feel that the word judgment carries the biggest negative charge of all. Many Spiritual Teachers teach that judgment is a by-product of the ego, and therefore is something that must be released in order to attain true enlightenment. Buddhist philosopher, Chogyam Trungpa had this to say;
"The attainment of enlightenment from the ego's point of view is extreme death".
While I agree that attachment (another no-no among the Non-deist philosophies) stems from the ego, and that judgment is a form of attachment , I think that the attachment that is inherent in being judgmental is more subtle than just the ego trying to perpetuate itself.
Let me explain.
With regard to our New Age friends, what you are really "attached" to here are the assumptions that;
1) A always represents B.
and, ironically
2) To have this point of view is always a bad thing.
But let's take another look at the nature of judgment.
Many of the day-to-day decisions made by our brains, based on the input of our senses, happen automatically-and far too fast for us to really register that a decision has been reached.
(Now, for those of you who adhere more strongly to dictionary definition may feel that this continual process does not really qualify as "judgment". But the thesaurus gives many equivalents to the word judgment, such as estimation, evaluation, decision and intelligence, which may be more acceptable to you, but still mean the same thing. This is a good example of a judgment-that judgment is an inappropriate word based on your beliefs. I'm not doing this to get under your skin, dear literal friends-but I am trying to make a point.)
So what this means is that a person is immersed in a constant stream of information that that comes from the outside stimulation, which, in turn, is interpreted by their senses and influenced by their own beliefs and perceptions-in other words, judgment. They do this many times a minute-even a decision as simple as "I will sit in this chair because I judge it sturdy enough to hold my weight" is a judgment.
Forming a preference is a judgment.
Making a decision is a judgment.
Expressing a desire is a judgment.
Taking a step is a judgment.
Being human means being judgmental. That's it. It's that simple.
So judgment is really not the issue here and has gotten a bad rap.
The problem comes, as I see it, when a particular word carries an emotional charge, and that causes us to attribute a value judgment (to deem better or worse with relation to something else) to it which evokes a reaction from you that does not serve you. That is the "attachment" that the Non-deist and New Age philosophies would have you avoid, not the word itself or even the meaning.
Our preferences are not what hold us back; it is the belief that our judgments make us a better or worse person than someone with a different judgment. It is also the fear that the opinion of those who assign us a negative value is somehow more valid than our own.
Judgment only becomes dangerous when it is used to shore up our own self-esteem or to undermine the self esteem of another.
So, what to do.....
The first step is to stop beating yourself and others up over doing what your very nature compels you to do.
The next step is to loosen the hold of our value judgments. This allows us to examine more closely the world around us. We are forced to examine each thing, in each moment without getting hung up on whether something is negative or positive-better or worse.
It simply is and is allowed to exist as it is-which, in my judgment, is pretty good. :)
Stupid.
Smelly.
Sickening.
Racist.
Disgusting.
Many of you who read the above words will experience a feeling of discomfort.
When a word evokes an unpleasant or uncomfortable feeling from an individual, the word is sometimes said to "carry a negative emotional charge". Every word you speak, think or write carries an emotional charge-which is largely determined by the experiences and perspective of the listener/thinker/reader.
Writers are particularly aware of this. Just as visual artists use symbols, form and color to evoke or convey emotion, writers use things like word choice, punctuation and adjectives to evoke certain emotions from their readers-this is how they convey the meaning of the story-and keep people interested in reading their books!
When a person assigns a (most often negatively) charged word to a situation or thing, they are often said to be "judgmental"-and this is often vilified by the New Age Community.
Are they?
OF COURSE THEY ARE.
But is this necessarily a "bad" thing?
Of all the words in use in our language today, especially among those of the New Age Community, I feel that the word judgment carries the biggest negative charge of all. Many Spiritual Teachers teach that judgment is a by-product of the ego, and therefore is something that must be released in order to attain true enlightenment. Buddhist philosopher, Chogyam Trungpa had this to say;
"The attainment of enlightenment from the ego's point of view is extreme death".
While I agree that attachment (another no-no among the Non-deist philosophies) stems from the ego, and that judgment is a form of attachment , I think that the attachment that is inherent in being judgmental is more subtle than just the ego trying to perpetuate itself.
Let me explain.
With regard to our New Age friends, what you are really "attached" to here are the assumptions that;
1) A always represents B.
and, ironically
2) To have this point of view is always a bad thing.
But let's take another look at the nature of judgment.
Many of the day-to-day decisions made by our brains, based on the input of our senses, happen automatically-and far too fast for us to really register that a decision has been reached.
(Now, for those of you who adhere more strongly to dictionary definition may feel that this continual process does not really qualify as "judgment". But the thesaurus gives many equivalents to the word judgment, such as estimation, evaluation, decision and intelligence, which may be more acceptable to you, but still mean the same thing. This is a good example of a judgment-that judgment is an inappropriate word based on your beliefs. I'm not doing this to get under your skin, dear literal friends-but I am trying to make a point.)
So what this means is that a person is immersed in a constant stream of information that that comes from the outside stimulation, which, in turn, is interpreted by their senses and influenced by their own beliefs and perceptions-in other words, judgment. They do this many times a minute-even a decision as simple as "I will sit in this chair because I judge it sturdy enough to hold my weight" is a judgment.
Forming a preference is a judgment.
Making a decision is a judgment.
Expressing a desire is a judgment.
Taking a step is a judgment.
Being human means being judgmental. That's it. It's that simple.
So judgment is really not the issue here and has gotten a bad rap.
The problem comes, as I see it, when a particular word carries an emotional charge, and that causes us to attribute a value judgment (to deem better or worse with relation to something else) to it which evokes a reaction from you that does not serve you. That is the "attachment" that the Non-deist and New Age philosophies would have you avoid, not the word itself or even the meaning.
Our preferences are not what hold us back; it is the belief that our judgments make us a better or worse person than someone with a different judgment. It is also the fear that the opinion of those who assign us a negative value is somehow more valid than our own.
Judgment only becomes dangerous when it is used to shore up our own self-esteem or to undermine the self esteem of another.
So, what to do.....
The first step is to stop beating yourself and others up over doing what your very nature compels you to do.
The next step is to loosen the hold of our value judgments. This allows us to examine more closely the world around us. We are forced to examine each thing, in each moment without getting hung up on whether something is negative or positive-better or worse.
It simply is and is allowed to exist as it is-which, in my judgment, is pretty good. :)
Friday, July 19, 2013
In the image of...
I mean no offense to my friends of alternative faiths by using the word "God". By that, I mean The Universe and All That Is.
Please bear with me.
This came across my nose today, mulling it over.
What if the name of God that we are familiar with from the Book of Moses, "I am that I am", is really- "I AM that, I am."
The first way, God is saying that "I am whatever it is that I am" and we don't get to know what that is.
But the other way, God is saying that it is Everything in existence that you could look at. The wall, the tree, the person next to me, the grass-I am THAT, I am!
Ahhhh...all for the presence of a simple comma...
Today as I walk around, I will great everything I see with "I am that, I am."
This came across my nose today, mulling it over.
What if the name of God that we are familiar with from the Book of Moses, "I am that I am", is really- "I AM that, I am."
The first way, God is saying that "I am whatever it is that I am" and we don't get to know what that is.
But the other way, God is saying that it is Everything in existence that you could look at. The wall, the tree, the person next to me, the grass-I am THAT, I am!
Ahhhh...all for the presence of a simple comma...
Today as I walk around, I will great everything I see with "I am that, I am."
Saturday, May 11, 2013
""Chaos exists as a state of unlimited, equal potentials. Artists impose order on chaos, pulling, from that unlimited and equal state in order to realize those potentials which speak most clearly to them. This makes them as much magicians in their own right as those who work exclusively with the energies of the Universe."
-Grace Gemini
-Grace Gemini
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
Stop Filling In The Blanks
Because the Ego is continuously fighting for survival to justify its existence, it takes it upon itself to know everything- even when there is no information with which to form an opinion. Its need to be in charge is so great that it supplies "facts" to make up for the unknown elements of a given situation.
In other words; it just makes stuff up.
We are all involved in a constantly evolving story-line of our own creating.
This week, I had a first-hand opportunity to see how this can wreak havoc with my life.
It began with a flat tire.
Well, not completely flat, but on its way to that state. The car, however, belonged to a friend of mine, and they informed me with a sense of utter certainty that someone had let the air out of the tire; and that this act was done in an attempt to "get back" at my friend for something.
Not that my friend "believed" someone had done this, but that someone had done it.
I took a look at the event, the realization that one tire was low on air, and decided that it didn't quite add up to evidence of a malicious act. Why did they just take some of the air out? Why did they only do this on one tire? Wouldn't someone who was being truly malicious want to cause the greatest amount of inconvenience to their victim? Wouldn't they let the air out of all the tires-or, at the very least let all the air out of one tire?
But my friend was already caught up in the natural progression of thought which went something like this:
If one was to assume that someone let some of the air out of one of the tires, then there had to be a reason why.
The reason why was obviously something negative. They were trying to "get back" at my friend. They were unfriendly people. They were making a political statement. They were ignorant. etc etc etc....
That led to my friend to feel disliked, unsafe and threatened.
Now, hold on here. We do not actually know what really happened. But the owner of the car went automatically to the negative. Is the preferred state of being to feel unsafe and threatened? No, that certainly does not serve me.
Then why do it?
Well, it seemed obvious to me.
There was no reason to do it.
Knowing that people around me often reflected my own beliefs, I decided to take a look at myself, and Goodness, what a mess I found!
Turns out, I do the same thing on many, many subjects. Someone didn't return a text because they must be mad at me. Someone offered me a gift in order to buy me off in some way. I didn't get asked to a place because my company is not as enjoyable as someone else's. Someone didn't like my Facebook Post, I'm not as good as other people who post and get "liked".
Sheesh!
To show you what I mean, I'll take a specific entry from my journal:
Situation:
Someone didn't return a text.
Old Thoughts:
They are mad at me. I've offended them somehow. Other people probably get their texts returned right away. I bet other people get lots of communication. I am being excluded. I am less worthy. Something is being hidden from me.
Of course, none of this made me feel good about anything, in fact, thoughts like this often just brought me to tears.
So I continued;
It COULD be they are simply busy.
Perhaps other people are getting the same treatment.
Perhaps they have not gotten my message.
Perhaps they do not know how to answer.
They don't like to text.
They are having some quiet time.
The phone is not working.
I DO NOT KNOW WHY AND THAT'S OK
I release the need to know WHY-and I no longer fill in these blanks. The event is neutral and even though I do not, at this time, see how it will work out positively, I accept that it will and leave it where it is. The Universe is working hard to send me what I desire. I'm getting a handle on this and as painful as it is to face, I'm proud that I have figured it out and I KNOW I have the strength to face it."
There could be any number of reasons, NONE of which pointed to anything negative about me or how I was being treated, but the point is not really to assign some specific meaning (though positive possibilities feel better than repeating the negative ones), it is to remember that there is no inherent pain in any given situation. They are all neutral. The meaning they have is what we assign to them. Our physical mind is not designed to know and understand every little detail so stop forcing it to do something it isn't designed to do.
I went through my present thoughts and did a process like the above for every instance where I realized I was filling in the blanks for something I didn't know.
Even if you don't believe, as I do, that Reality is directed by your thoughts and vibration, why would you choose to suffer those negative thoughts before you really, REALLY have a reason?
And if you do agree with me about the nature of Reality, then you can see how putting out a vibe of negative expectation just causes those expectations to be realized.
Your mind is designed to take account of how things are happen-ING, NOT to determine how something happened or will happen. It is a great, in-the-moment interpreter, and that's all it's supposed to be. It functions best when we are in the present moment and there are many systems of belief that say the same thing.
Have faith that things happen for a reason, but don't knock yourself out or worse-make yourself cry, wondering what that reason is. Just remember that when the time comes for you to know, and it will, that everything will become clear; and that reason will always turn out to be the very best for you.
Whatever the actual reason behind the low tire, from my perspective it happened to bring another layer of myself to my attention so that it could be healed-and that turned out to be a very good thing.
In other words; it just makes stuff up.
We are all involved in a constantly evolving story-line of our own creating.
This week, I had a first-hand opportunity to see how this can wreak havoc with my life.
It began with a flat tire.
Well, not completely flat, but on its way to that state. The car, however, belonged to a friend of mine, and they informed me with a sense of utter certainty that someone had let the air out of the tire; and that this act was done in an attempt to "get back" at my friend for something.
Not that my friend "believed" someone had done this, but that someone had done it.
I took a look at the event, the realization that one tire was low on air, and decided that it didn't quite add up to evidence of a malicious act. Why did they just take some of the air out? Why did they only do this on one tire? Wouldn't someone who was being truly malicious want to cause the greatest amount of inconvenience to their victim? Wouldn't they let the air out of all the tires-or, at the very least let all the air out of one tire?
But my friend was already caught up in the natural progression of thought which went something like this:
If one was to assume that someone let some of the air out of one of the tires, then there had to be a reason why.
The reason why was obviously something negative. They were trying to "get back" at my friend. They were unfriendly people. They were making a political statement. They were ignorant. etc etc etc....
That led to my friend to feel disliked, unsafe and threatened.
Now, hold on here. We do not actually know what really happened. But the owner of the car went automatically to the negative. Is the preferred state of being to feel unsafe and threatened? No, that certainly does not serve me.
Then why do it?
Well, it seemed obvious to me.
There was no reason to do it.
Knowing that people around me often reflected my own beliefs, I decided to take a look at myself, and Goodness, what a mess I found!
Turns out, I do the same thing on many, many subjects. Someone didn't return a text because they must be mad at me. Someone offered me a gift in order to buy me off in some way. I didn't get asked to a place because my company is not as enjoyable as someone else's. Someone didn't like my Facebook Post, I'm not as good as other people who post and get "liked".
Sheesh!
To show you what I mean, I'll take a specific entry from my journal:
Situation:
Someone didn't return a text.
Old Thoughts:
They are mad at me. I've offended them somehow. Other people probably get their texts returned right away. I bet other people get lots of communication. I am being excluded. I am less worthy. Something is being hidden from me.
Of course, none of this made me feel good about anything, in fact, thoughts like this often just brought me to tears.
So I continued;
It COULD be they are simply busy.
Perhaps other people are getting the same treatment.
Perhaps they have not gotten my message.
Perhaps they do not know how to answer.
They don't like to text.
They are having some quiet time.
The phone is not working.
I DO NOT KNOW WHY AND THAT'S OK
I release the need to know WHY-and I no longer fill in these blanks. The event is neutral and even though I do not, at this time, see how it will work out positively, I accept that it will and leave it where it is. The Universe is working hard to send me what I desire. I'm getting a handle on this and as painful as it is to face, I'm proud that I have figured it out and I KNOW I have the strength to face it."
There could be any number of reasons, NONE of which pointed to anything negative about me or how I was being treated, but the point is not really to assign some specific meaning (though positive possibilities feel better than repeating the negative ones), it is to remember that there is no inherent pain in any given situation. They are all neutral. The meaning they have is what we assign to them. Our physical mind is not designed to know and understand every little detail so stop forcing it to do something it isn't designed to do.
I went through my present thoughts and did a process like the above for every instance where I realized I was filling in the blanks for something I didn't know.
Even if you don't believe, as I do, that Reality is directed by your thoughts and vibration, why would you choose to suffer those negative thoughts before you really, REALLY have a reason?
And if you do agree with me about the nature of Reality, then you can see how putting out a vibe of negative expectation just causes those expectations to be realized.
Your mind is designed to take account of how things are happen-ING, NOT to determine how something happened or will happen. It is a great, in-the-moment interpreter, and that's all it's supposed to be. It functions best when we are in the present moment and there are many systems of belief that say the same thing.
Have faith that things happen for a reason, but don't knock yourself out or worse-make yourself cry, wondering what that reason is. Just remember that when the time comes for you to know, and it will, that everything will become clear; and that reason will always turn out to be the very best for you.
Whatever the actual reason behind the low tire, from my perspective it happened to bring another layer of myself to my attention so that it could be healed-and that turned out to be a very good thing.
Sunday, May 05, 2013
"What Is This World Coming To?"
This is a question that someone recently asked of me.
"I can answer that, but you won't like it.", I said.
"Tell me anyway.", they said.
OK...here goes.
In recent times, it seems that there has been an increase in unpleasant happenings. We look at the news coming from Boston (my home town) and other places, and at first glance it looks as though the state of the world is going down the drain.
Now pay attention to what I said; "AT FIRST GLANCE".
But think.
Many of you know and understand that we are in the midst of a global shift in consciousness. But what some don't realize is that in order for this shift to occur, there has to be a motivation. In other words, every improvement in the world that has ever taken place has happened because someone recognized a thing or situation that they did not prefer and focused on an improved version of it.
"But why so much?" you ask...
Well, in order for someone to care about changing the unwanted thing, it must be relevant to their lives. Of course what happens to Boston is relevant to Bostonians, but is it relevant to those living in Michigan? Is what happens in Michigan relevant to Californians?
Not so much.
So, in order for the entire world to shift the way in which they view reality there must be events that provide the inspiration in many different areas and on many different levels. And, since time is speeding up (actually it only appears that way but more on that in another post), it appears that these negative incidents are happening more frequently.
The important thing here is to focus on HOW we are dealing with these events.
Do we choose to focus on blame and revenge? Do we responded by promoting fear-based programming and become fearful ourselves?
For my part, I chose to look at the recent events in Boston and made the decision to see the larger picture.
It was a picture which illustrated the process of the unwanted giving rise to the wanted. In other words, I was able to understand that it was exactly this type of event that makes possible the tremendously powerful coming together of peoples looking to create something better. It was a strange feeling-this thought that , on some level, I might feel some form of gratitude to those who had caused so much suffering; but when I understood that I had been given an opportunity to learn more about compassion if I so chose, I learned to appreciate the lesson.
I try to look at all episodes of negativity this way. Perhaps I'm just noticing it more because it has been such a focus for me, but during this global shift I'm finding that more and more often others have followed suit.
By doing this, there is no negative situation that cannot give birth to something positive.
Violent episodes, like the one in Boston, have no meaning aside from the meaning we assign to it. What we take from the experience becomes more important than the experience itself.
So..."what is this world coming to?"
I, for one, am pretty optimistic. :)
"I can answer that, but you won't like it.", I said.
"Tell me anyway.", they said.
OK...here goes.
In recent times, it seems that there has been an increase in unpleasant happenings. We look at the news coming from Boston (my home town) and other places, and at first glance it looks as though the state of the world is going down the drain.
Now pay attention to what I said; "AT FIRST GLANCE".
But think.
Many of you know and understand that we are in the midst of a global shift in consciousness. But what some don't realize is that in order for this shift to occur, there has to be a motivation. In other words, every improvement in the world that has ever taken place has happened because someone recognized a thing or situation that they did not prefer and focused on an improved version of it.
"But why so much?" you ask...
Well, in order for someone to care about changing the unwanted thing, it must be relevant to their lives. Of course what happens to Boston is relevant to Bostonians, but is it relevant to those living in Michigan? Is what happens in Michigan relevant to Californians?
Not so much.
So, in order for the entire world to shift the way in which they view reality there must be events that provide the inspiration in many different areas and on many different levels. And, since time is speeding up (actually it only appears that way but more on that in another post), it appears that these negative incidents are happening more frequently.
The important thing here is to focus on HOW we are dealing with these events.
Do we choose to focus on blame and revenge? Do we responded by promoting fear-based programming and become fearful ourselves?
For my part, I chose to look at the recent events in Boston and made the decision to see the larger picture.
It was a picture which illustrated the process of the unwanted giving rise to the wanted. In other words, I was able to understand that it was exactly this type of event that makes possible the tremendously powerful coming together of peoples looking to create something better. It was a strange feeling-this thought that , on some level, I might feel some form of gratitude to those who had caused so much suffering; but when I understood that I had been given an opportunity to learn more about compassion if I so chose, I learned to appreciate the lesson.
I try to look at all episodes of negativity this way. Perhaps I'm just noticing it more because it has been such a focus for me, but during this global shift I'm finding that more and more often others have followed suit.
By doing this, there is no negative situation that cannot give birth to something positive.
Violent episodes, like the one in Boston, have no meaning aside from the meaning we assign to it. What we take from the experience becomes more important than the experience itself.
So..."what is this world coming to?"
I, for one, am pretty optimistic. :)
Monday, March 18, 2013
Why help? *What* you do vs. *Why* you do it.
It is possible to be addicted to "helping people."
But seeing ourselves as "helpers" is an attachment to an identity, or ego-construct to which we ascribe a positive value that we do not feel that we otherwise possess. Thus by helping other people we are also fueling our own egos.
Helping people is what fills the void where self-worth *should* be.
When helping others is the only thing that makes us feel like a good person, we are really feeding an addiction.
We are using people to fill the hole in our own self-worth.
As long as we are in this ego-driven mode (being "helpful" because it's the only thing that makes us feel good), we will attract nothing but those who *need help*, and because the Universe can be very literal, they will always need help. In other words, since we continue to wish to "help", whatever aid we give will never be enough because we are perpetuating the idea that someone *NEEDS* help as opposed to the vision that that person is empowered on their own. You simply cannot help someone to NOT be the underdog, if you yourself are focusing on them as if they are.
By doing this, you are operating from a mind-set of scarcity, so what you will ultimately create is more scarcity.
So do we give up on being helpful?
Absolutely Not.
But what is important is WHY you do it.
There are people who are so centered that they simply enjoy helping. They *already* know of their own value and are not trying to make something up. They are helping from a place of compassion instead of a place of need.
I can't help but think that this is one reason there is such a high burn-out rate in social service and human service jobs (I did 10 years and that was enough). Like them, I was focused on fighting this injustice or that injustice and I got what I was focused on-more fighting and more injustice.
It's an interesting paradox that possibly the people most likely to go into this kind of work are the people who are the least likely to do any good and the most likely to burn out.
( In my own defense I have to say that my career in Human Services took place 20 years ago before I changed my thinking) But it is important to understand what your state of being is when you do.
If you are *inspired* to help, it is a signal that you are within the Universal flow and whatever aid you do give will generate positive results.
If you feel *obligated* to help, chances are that this will not feel good to you, and that is an indication that your efforts will *not* generate anything but more effort.
Focusing on the problem, brings more of it.
Focusing on the fight brings more powerlessness.
Some people give energy by helping, and some take it away by doing the same thing. The difference is how balanced they are as people in their own right.
So be honest with yourself, and help people as long as it does not detract from your own happiness.
That is the only way you can attract those who can *truly* benefit from your help.
But seeing ourselves as "helpers" is an attachment to an identity, or ego-construct to which we ascribe a positive value that we do not feel that we otherwise possess. Thus by helping other people we are also fueling our own egos.
Helping people is what fills the void where self-worth *should* be.
When helping others is the only thing that makes us feel like a good person, we are really feeding an addiction.
We are using people to fill the hole in our own self-worth.
As long as we are in this ego-driven mode (being "helpful" because it's the only thing that makes us feel good), we will attract nothing but those who *need help*, and because the Universe can be very literal, they will always need help. In other words, since we continue to wish to "help", whatever aid we give will never be enough because we are perpetuating the idea that someone *NEEDS* help as opposed to the vision that that person is empowered on their own. You simply cannot help someone to NOT be the underdog, if you yourself are focusing on them as if they are.
By doing this, you are operating from a mind-set of scarcity, so what you will ultimately create is more scarcity.
So do we give up on being helpful?
Absolutely Not.
But what is important is WHY you do it.
There are people who are so centered that they simply enjoy helping. They *already* know of their own value and are not trying to make something up. They are helping from a place of compassion instead of a place of need.
I can't help but think that this is one reason there is such a high burn-out rate in social service and human service jobs (I did 10 years and that was enough). Like them, I was focused on fighting this injustice or that injustice and I got what I was focused on-more fighting and more injustice.
It's an interesting paradox that possibly the people most likely to go into this kind of work are the people who are the least likely to do any good and the most likely to burn out.
( In my own defense I have to say that my career in Human Services took place 20 years ago before I changed my thinking) But it is important to understand what your state of being is when you do.
If you are *inspired* to help, it is a signal that you are within the Universal flow and whatever aid you do give will generate positive results.
If you feel *obligated* to help, chances are that this will not feel good to you, and that is an indication that your efforts will *not* generate anything but more effort.
Focusing on the problem, brings more of it.
Focusing on the fight brings more powerlessness.
Some people give energy by helping, and some take it away by doing the same thing. The difference is how balanced they are as people in their own right.
So be honest with yourself, and help people as long as it does not detract from your own happiness.
That is the only way you can attract those who can *truly* benefit from your help.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Love Difficult People
I never do anything the easy
way, not ever.
I like it that way.
I like it that way.
You see, some people search for those who make them comfortable with who they are-they feel that these people complete them. They want people who reflect back to them only the stuff they want to see.
And that’s fine.
But the problem is, is that if someone else completes them, they never grow.
They will always be the same person they are now, incomplete without the crutch, never seeing the things that lead to growth.
Some people spend their lives trying to adjust themselves to keep ahold of the mirror that shows them all the pretty things they want to see.
They say, “I love you, and I need you to be this way if you want to ensure that I continue to love you because I can’t provide that piece for myself, .” Sure, they may be comfortable for a time, but trust me on this- they have given away their power and are in survival mode; looking to maintain the attachment for the rest of their lives.
When they look back searching for success, they will only find reminders of what they lost.
But others look for those who challenge them. They search out people who make them grow, and through that growth they become better people. It isn’t easy, and it isn’t always fun-but in the end what they learn is worth more than a thousand lives of comfort.
They appreciate difficult people who teach them to be responsible for their own actions. Challenging people teach us to stand on our own because we are complete within ourselves. We may have started by looking at ourselves and not liking what we see, and we may blame the other person for highlighting that; but we end by learning to love ALL of ourselves-and only that way can we ever learn to love anyone else. They help us to change, and they give us a means to discover what we truly value, and what is really valuable.
People who challenge us stand in recognition of all that we are, and all that we could be. They cause us to say, “I Love you in this moment, but I do not need you. I choose to Love you in the next moment, and all the moments to come and I will Love you no matter who you are, and no matter what you do or how you change.”
When someone loves themselves because of what someone else sees, they need that someone else to reflect that back to them.
But when someone loves themselves reregardless of what they see, the WHOLE WORLD will reflect to them the essence of that Love, and that Love will be shown no matter who they are.
These people are your Soul Mates, your Twin Flames. They are part of you, embodied in another and exist to push you beyond your comfort zone.
Sure, there is the risk of getting hurt, and it's WORK-but the gift of self-Love and self-Realization is worth it.
Take the easy way out?
Not me.
Not ever.
I like it this way.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Tell Yourself What You Want To Hear; An Exercise
Continuing the theme of letting people know more about the kinds of things I still struggle with; I have to admit that sometimes, I look to outside sources for validation.
Bad Shaman!
Even a lot of people who don't study this stuff know (most of the time) that our happiness has to come from inside of us.
The Universe does not supply you with happiness, it only reflects the happiness that you find already within yourself.
Consider the Bible, Luke 17:21, "nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you."
Or this one;
"All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, We make our world." - Buddha
They are both saying the same thing.
Well, the Universe is a pretty literal place and so if you think that you're not happy because you lack something from the outside, the All-That-Is will take that as a statement of fact and-poof!-you will exist as NOT HAPPY and LACKING something from the outside!
This may sound counter-intuitive to many of you but the ancient Wisdom understood that what you see as "reality" is really only a mirror of what is inside of you. Instead of looking to others to tell you what you want to hear to make you happy, tell yourself. Tell yourself enough times that you believe it because the only person's recognition you need is your own. If you don't believe in yourself, you may find temporary validation outside-say, via a lover or a family member, but it won't last and it will never be enough.
I know this. And yet, I still find myself wanting my friends, or family, or Lover to be proud of me. I want them to tell me all the nifty little things I want to hear, and I still fool myself into believing that I'll be happy when I hear them. And I still catch myself comparing myself to others and thinking "I'd be happy, if only...".
So...
I happened to mention all this to someone, wondering about how to reach inside myself and pull out these feelings and his reply was,
"What do you want to hear?"
So I thought about that, and wrote it in my journal.
I started with "I love you." (that seemed as good a place as any to start)
But the phrase "I love you" sounds a bit silly when you say it to yourself, and it was still something that I thought of someone else saying to me. So I rewrote it. "I love me". That seemed a little closer but still "outside myself" so I brought it in a little closer.
"I am worthy of love."
Now I thought I was on the right track. That didn't depend on anyone else to provide something for me.
So I ran with it.
(Inside comment) "I am worthy of Love."
(outside comment) "People show that they love me every day."
(Inside comment) "I experience love every day."
(outside comment) "I enjoy being loved."
(inside comment) "I enjoy loving."
(outside comment) "People love me the way I want to be loved."
(inside comment) "I am loved the way I want to be loved"
And I alternated back and forth, taking a moment to feel the energy of each phrase and how it differed from inside to outside. (here's a hint; the outside comments made a tightness in my chest and the inside comments tended to create an expansive, relaxed feeling)
It may be different for you.
I ended that list when I felt I was straining to come up with things and moved onto the next phrase.
"I'm proud of you."
"I'm proud of me."
"I'm proud of who I am."
(outside) "I like it when people are proud of me."
(inside) "I take pride in what I do."
(outside) "I work hard to satisfy others."
(inside) "I experience satisfaction for a job well done."
I admit, this was a short list, but it was a start-and I'm proud of myself :)
The last one I worked on today was, "You make me happy."
"I make me happy."
(inside) "I choose to be happy."
(outside) "I have reasons to be happy all around me."
(inside) "I deserve to be happy."
(outside) "I know the Universe wants me to be happy."
(inside) "I accept happiness."
(inside) "My natural state is to be happy."
What do you do with a list like this?
Well....
A belief is just a habit of thought-a thought you keep thinking. Once a thought becomes a habit, it becomes a belief.
Let me take a second to clarify something. We can know something is irrational when we think it-we know it isn't really a "belief"-but all thoughts carry vibrations and a negative thought that you keep thinking puts out vibrations too. So for the purposes of this post I'm treating them as beliefs because they will also cause reflections in the world around you even though intellectually you may understand that it's just a recurring thought.
This is just a way to "fine tune" your thoughts. There is really no difference between inside or outside thoughts other than your outside thoughts are more dependent on forces which are perceived as coming from a source that is outside of (i.e. NOT) yourself. (Many Shamans refer to this as "giving away your power" because it puts the results you want in the hands of others.) But if this is where you start until you figure out what works best for you, then so be it. There is still a LOT of value in finding things in your reality to appreciate, Love, experience, etc. even if they are in your environment.
So...
I said what I had to say; expression makes me happy, happiness is my natural state.
Nothing else matters.
:)
Writing From the Bottom of the Barrel
I don't consider it a complement when people tell me that I make Spiritual growth "look easy".
Here's why.
It's because it isn't.
And if someone looks to me, and thinks I'm having an easy time of it all, they begin to worry that there's something wrong with themselves if they are having problems.
So...
I made a mistake today. It was a tiny thing, I was visiting a friend, and I put something in the wrong spot, and the other person involved approached me and explained gently what the issue was, why it was that way, and asked me to do something else. He wasn't angry. He wasn't hateful. He didn't beat up on me about it.
He didn't have to.
Because I spend the next two hours beating up on myself enough for the both of us, and everyone else on the block (and their pets-and possibly their plants as well.). You know how that works; you're embarrased over what happens so you get mad at yourself. But NO! I'm a Spiritual Being! I forgive, and accept and, and and-!!
"And" nothing-you're mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself.
And I didn't stop there.
I went on to tell myself that I was somehow less competent than other people who seemed to "get it". That I would never "get it". I wasn't as good as they were. I was useless, I never did anything right, I didn't deserve to have a happy life because I was just so plain stupid. Why couldn't I make this work? (Oh, I had an answer to that, too.)
I just wasn't meant to be happy.
What a vicious cycle.
Sound familiar?
So, back to it "being easy"...
When I first began to study Shamanism about 14 years ago, and through that the odd mix of Spiritual views I practise now, I began with simply noticing what thoughts were dominant in my mind. I didn't try to change them, I just noticed them. I was reading a book called "Urban Shaman" by Serge Kahili King at the time, and that was what the book listed as the "first step". Just taking a step back and looking without judgement at what that voice in your head was telling you-and how often it spoke.
What you might not understand here is that, in the beginning it was happening virtually 24/7. I mean, ALL THE TIME. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was one, non-stop tirade of negative down-talk. I was certainly starting from a point at which is wasn't possible to sink any lower.
13 YEARS later, it still happens.
Not nearly as often, thank goodness-but when it does, it's still brings me to my knees.
So, don't feel too bad.
Obviously, I still struggle.
I wrote 6 pages in my journal today while I worked through that mistake.
Mistake? Well...let's look at it another way.
There are no mistakes.
What happened alerted me to something that I did not like. With some pondering I was able to glean from that what my preferences were. Once I did that, I had something to aim for-the feeling of what it would be like to have what I wanted. What a wonderful key I was given-and I might not have discovered this if I hadn't had this experience. So...was it a "mistake"?
I don't think so.
You shouldn't either. :)
Sure, for the three or so hours I spent wrestling with it-let's face it-it SUCKED.
But though it may sting a little, we can all choose to focus on what we learn.
Eventually, that's all we'll remember.
Here's why.
It's because it isn't.
And if someone looks to me, and thinks I'm having an easy time of it all, they begin to worry that there's something wrong with themselves if they are having problems.
So...
I made a mistake today. It was a tiny thing, I was visiting a friend, and I put something in the wrong spot, and the other person involved approached me and explained gently what the issue was, why it was that way, and asked me to do something else. He wasn't angry. He wasn't hateful. He didn't beat up on me about it.
He didn't have to.
Because I spend the next two hours beating up on myself enough for the both of us, and everyone else on the block (and their pets-and possibly their plants as well.). You know how that works; you're embarrased over what happens so you get mad at yourself. But NO! I'm a Spiritual Being! I forgive, and accept and, and and-!!
"And" nothing-you're mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself.
And I didn't stop there.
I went on to tell myself that I was somehow less competent than other people who seemed to "get it". That I would never "get it". I wasn't as good as they were. I was useless, I never did anything right, I didn't deserve to have a happy life because I was just so plain stupid. Why couldn't I make this work? (Oh, I had an answer to that, too.)
I just wasn't meant to be happy.
What a vicious cycle.
Sound familiar?
So, back to it "being easy"...
When I first began to study Shamanism about 14 years ago, and through that the odd mix of Spiritual views I practise now, I began with simply noticing what thoughts were dominant in my mind. I didn't try to change them, I just noticed them. I was reading a book called "Urban Shaman" by Serge Kahili King at the time, and that was what the book listed as the "first step". Just taking a step back and looking without judgement at what that voice in your head was telling you-and how often it spoke.
What you might not understand here is that, in the beginning it was happening virtually 24/7. I mean, ALL THE TIME. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was one, non-stop tirade of negative down-talk. I was certainly starting from a point at which is wasn't possible to sink any lower.
13 YEARS later, it still happens.
Not nearly as often, thank goodness-but when it does, it's still brings me to my knees.
So, don't feel too bad.
Obviously, I still struggle.
I wrote 6 pages in my journal today while I worked through that mistake.
Mistake? Well...let's look at it another way.
There are no mistakes.
What happened alerted me to something that I did not like. With some pondering I was able to glean from that what my preferences were. Once I did that, I had something to aim for-the feeling of what it would be like to have what I wanted. What a wonderful key I was given-and I might not have discovered this if I hadn't had this experience. So...was it a "mistake"?
I don't think so.
You shouldn't either. :)
Sure, for the three or so hours I spent wrestling with it-let's face it-it SUCKED.
But though it may sting a little, we can all choose to focus on what we learn.
Eventually, that's all we'll remember.
Friday, February 08, 2013
On empowerment
"Empowerment is, in part, the ability to look
at reality and say 'I know what I want, I deserve what I want, and this
isn't it.'; and then walking away because you realize that you don't
need it to be happy."
-Grace Gemini
-Grace Gemini
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Let Go Of The Past
Someone I know is fond of saying that she is living the last ten years of her life over and over again; it's much truer than she knows.
It got me thinking about the last few years of *my* life--and the events that have
brought me to this point; and I realized that I am also "living the last ten years of
my life".
Every day, I spend time thinking about what has happened in that time, all the
mistakes I've made, hurtful things suffered at the hands of others, things I've
lost--just like this lady--and I have been forgetting one of the most basic of all
Huna principals "The moment of power is now".
As humans, we all live in linear time, which is really just a paradigm that forms the
boundaries around our lives so we can understand what is going on. In a nutshell it
means we begin at the beginning and finish at the end. "Power" is defined by the
amount of influence one thing has over another, therefore we have no "power" to
change the past (not yet, at least). Likewise, although we might have influence over
our paths, we cannot directly affect the future either. Well, folks, that leaves...you
got it...now.
The only moment of power we truly have is in this very second. So perhaps the
important question is not "what did I do then" but rather "what can I do now?". My
friend robs herself of power daily by dwelling on past mistakes and injustices. She
lets her experiences then frame her reactions to her experiences now. Her
relationships have suffered, she has not accomplished what she wants to do.
Likewise, she robs herself of power by worrying about what the future will bring
her. Notice I say "will bring her" because with this mind-set she believes that life is
something that happens to her. That sure as hell looks to me like she has given up
the steering wheel.
This leaves me with some interesting conclusions;
1) it is impossible to live in the present without letting go of the past (meaning; old
patterns that still hamper you).
2) it is impossible to plan for the future without living in the present.
3) the only influence the past can have over us is what we allow it to have.
4) Everything changes.
5) breaking old patterns is the key to living in the present.
To apply the principal;
I think that people often miss out on some of the more valuable interactions in life
by looking at one thing but truly seeing something else--something whose image is
generated by patterns created by past events.
Take each day as it comes. Don't hold yourself back from trying something
because something in your past gave you pain--this limits you and steals your
power.
See things as they are now, not what you think they might become or as they
"should be".
Coincidentally, I've recently been contacted by a few old acquaintances from many
years ago. I'm not sure what they're expecting, but I feel that it's important for me
to say the following;
See me as I am now. I made many mistakes. I was trapped in the past and by the
future when you knew me but that doesn't mean I love you any less. If I offended
you or hurt you, by word or deed then please forgive me. I am not now what I was
then, please give me the benefit of the doubt and take the time to get to know me
again.
I have learned a lot. I am a much more valuable person because of it. I will have
skills that will benefit you and I give them willingly in appreciation of your
friendship, and I will not ask for more than you can give.
Give me a chance, moment-to-moment. Don't look away to the past.
Realize that fear of dealing with me comes from you and coming from you can be
conquered by you.
Don.t see me as I was, don't picture me as you would like me to be. Be with me
now, in this moment thus preserving your power and mine.
Monday, January 14, 2013
On Being Selfish
"The more you wake up in Life, the more you
realize that 'selfish' isn't the negative word you thought it was. You
are A Universe of 1; complete, self-contained and infinite. Since
everything you see in your world is a reflection of you, the only thing
you can do is focus on your own happiness and you will see that
happiness reflected back to you in the form of the people and situations
around you. So being "selfish" is the first step in helping 'The
World' to be at its very best. "
-Grace Gemini
-Grace Gemini
Saturday, January 12, 2013
What Good May Come Of It-A Father's Legacy
There is no delicate way of saying this.
My father was a crook.
And a recent reunion of 3 of his 6 children from 5 different mothers sparked a conversation about his life and how sad it was that such an apparently brilliant man wasted his intelligence and skills on a life of crime.
As a Shaman, I appreciate the lessons that we come to this Earth to learn when it comes to the larger picture. I understand that, in Spiritual terms, my father's existence provides lessons and experiences that are unique to his children and what we do with those lessons helps us to realize who we are. For that, at least, I am forever grateful to the man and his spirit for being there to teach me that.
Yeah.
Sure.
Right.
;)
But it seemed, on another, more "Earthy" and In-Your-Face level, to be such a sad waste of talent and potential for him to have gone the way he did. My awareness of the "bigger picture" did little to soothe the hurt feelings of the 3 year old child inside me who became aware that there was something "different" about my history with respect to other children. What my family avoided speaking about told me much more than the short, terse answers I got when I was old enough to start asking difficult questions. It's hard not to assume that this somehow reflects on your worth as a person; especially for a child.
The mothers of his children have a particular point of view concerning their experiences with my father, and their opinions are, shall we say, less than complementary.
Before I met these men, my brothers, I was resigned to incorporate this vibration into my own being, and thought I had made peace with it all. But as we chatted easily together, it became apparent that there might be a connection that transcended the common pain and chaos our father had caused for each of us. As we exchanged the bits of knowledge that we had, and discovered more about this man, we slowly discovered things about each other that provided a different picture.
From my brother Joe, I learned that my father painted and had considered attending art school at one time. Painting is a skill I discovered for myself only recently- it surprised me more than anyone, but it made sense to me that somehow I may have inherited this unknown talent in part from my father.
From my brother James, we learned that my father had studied law and became a paralegal while still incarcerated. My brother James certainly inherited this practical intelligence and became a successful businessman who left a steady job to strike out on his own. In the middle of a recession, he used his skills and knowledge as an engineer to build his own branch of an international company. He had the flexibility to accept and appreciate his two sons for the exceptional individuals they are, and they have flourished.
Out of the 6 of us, Joe spent the longest time with our father in his life, and though he had more of a negative example, he turned it around and took away important lessons concerning family and responsibility. He works hard providing for his 3 daughters in a way that our father never did. He channeled his anger into martial arts, and is still well-remembered in relevant circles as a talented Thai Kick-boxer and instructor. Joe balanced his physical existence with a deeply Spiritual side. He takes pride in that, and so do the rest of us.
Though I do not know them as well, I can see that my father's legacy was not limited to the three of us. My sister Marjory has a sense of aesthetic that rivals the most experienced interior designer. She built a beautiful home for her family.
My sister Alicia, however, inherited our father's temper. But, instead of turning those feelings into negative actions, she developed a sense of justice and outspokenness that we all admired. Unfortunately, she passed away before I could meet her in person, but we did speak often by phone. We both worked hard to put ourselves through school and we shared stories about those challenges. Of all of us, it was Alicia who was able to stand up to our father and tell him in no uncertain terms just what she thought of him. And though we may have cringed a little on the outside when she did it, inside we were all cheering her on for doing what we all wish we had the guts to do for ourselves.
Of the 6, I know the least about George, who lives a quiet life in the mid-west with his wife and children. He doesn't seem to feel the need to put what happened in perspective, nor does he seem to spend a lot of time soul-searching and sharing his experiences with the rest of his siblings. Maybe our father, who was a poor Cuban immigrant, did what he did on some level in order to fit in with his ideal of the rich, successful American. Of course, what we do, we do because we think that it will make us happy, and it seems that, out of all of us, George has come the closest to realizing the kind of life that our father wanted. George seems happy. Without the glamor, without the glitz and showy possessions; he is happy.
Perhaps that's the greatest gift of all.
Looking at all of us through the lens of greater understanding, my brothers James and Joe and I realized that our father's life may not have been as much of a waste as we had thought. Though there are many holes in the story that may never be filled in, we know that in terms of his children at least, there was a positive outcome to my father's existence.
I can know who I am, and be proud of who I am. Partially because of it all, and admittedly partially in spite of it all-but nonetheless; proud of all of who I am; the negative and the positive.
And I have a great family.
I've said that before.
But until now I've never been able to say this;
Thanks, Dad.
My father was a crook.
And a recent reunion of 3 of his 6 children from 5 different mothers sparked a conversation about his life and how sad it was that such an apparently brilliant man wasted his intelligence and skills on a life of crime.
As a Shaman, I appreciate the lessons that we come to this Earth to learn when it comes to the larger picture. I understand that, in Spiritual terms, my father's existence provides lessons and experiences that are unique to his children and what we do with those lessons helps us to realize who we are. For that, at least, I am forever grateful to the man and his spirit for being there to teach me that.
Yeah.
Sure.
Right.
;)
But it seemed, on another, more "Earthy" and In-Your-Face level, to be such a sad waste of talent and potential for him to have gone the way he did. My awareness of the "bigger picture" did little to soothe the hurt feelings of the 3 year old child inside me who became aware that there was something "different" about my history with respect to other children. What my family avoided speaking about told me much more than the short, terse answers I got when I was old enough to start asking difficult questions. It's hard not to assume that this somehow reflects on your worth as a person; especially for a child.
The mothers of his children have a particular point of view concerning their experiences with my father, and their opinions are, shall we say, less than complementary.
Before I met these men, my brothers, I was resigned to incorporate this vibration into my own being, and thought I had made peace with it all. But as we chatted easily together, it became apparent that there might be a connection that transcended the common pain and chaos our father had caused for each of us. As we exchanged the bits of knowledge that we had, and discovered more about this man, we slowly discovered things about each other that provided a different picture.
From my brother Joe, I learned that my father painted and had considered attending art school at one time. Painting is a skill I discovered for myself only recently- it surprised me more than anyone, but it made sense to me that somehow I may have inherited this unknown talent in part from my father.
From my brother James, we learned that my father had studied law and became a paralegal while still incarcerated. My brother James certainly inherited this practical intelligence and became a successful businessman who left a steady job to strike out on his own. In the middle of a recession, he used his skills and knowledge as an engineer to build his own branch of an international company. He had the flexibility to accept and appreciate his two sons for the exceptional individuals they are, and they have flourished.
Out of the 6 of us, Joe spent the longest time with our father in his life, and though he had more of a negative example, he turned it around and took away important lessons concerning family and responsibility. He works hard providing for his 3 daughters in a way that our father never did. He channeled his anger into martial arts, and is still well-remembered in relevant circles as a talented Thai Kick-boxer and instructor. Joe balanced his physical existence with a deeply Spiritual side. He takes pride in that, and so do the rest of us.
Though I do not know them as well, I can see that my father's legacy was not limited to the three of us. My sister Marjory has a sense of aesthetic that rivals the most experienced interior designer. She built a beautiful home for her family.
My sister Alicia, however, inherited our father's temper. But, instead of turning those feelings into negative actions, she developed a sense of justice and outspokenness that we all admired. Unfortunately, she passed away before I could meet her in person, but we did speak often by phone. We both worked hard to put ourselves through school and we shared stories about those challenges. Of all of us, it was Alicia who was able to stand up to our father and tell him in no uncertain terms just what she thought of him. And though we may have cringed a little on the outside when she did it, inside we were all cheering her on for doing what we all wish we had the guts to do for ourselves.
Of the 6, I know the least about George, who lives a quiet life in the mid-west with his wife and children. He doesn't seem to feel the need to put what happened in perspective, nor does he seem to spend a lot of time soul-searching and sharing his experiences with the rest of his siblings. Maybe our father, who was a poor Cuban immigrant, did what he did on some level in order to fit in with his ideal of the rich, successful American. Of course, what we do, we do because we think that it will make us happy, and it seems that, out of all of us, George has come the closest to realizing the kind of life that our father wanted. George seems happy. Without the glamor, without the glitz and showy possessions; he is happy.
Perhaps that's the greatest gift of all.
Looking at all of us through the lens of greater understanding, my brothers James and Joe and I realized that our father's life may not have been as much of a waste as we had thought. Though there are many holes in the story that may never be filled in, we know that in terms of his children at least, there was a positive outcome to my father's existence.
I can know who I am, and be proud of who I am. Partially because of it all, and admittedly partially in spite of it all-but nonetheless; proud of all of who I am; the negative and the positive.
And I have a great family.
I've said that before.
But until now I've never been able to say this;
Thanks, Dad.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
The Gift. Happy Holiday's To All
An older story, but still relevant. I hope you Enjoy it!
A little boy sat on the living room floor with legs crossed, deep in thought.
Colorful scraps of paper, glittering confetti and curling ribbon attached to pieces of Scotch tape lay crumpled and strewn in chaotic piles around his knees. He stretched out a slippered foot and sullenly kicked at a bit of the stuff, turning it
over with his toes. The call of discarded wrapping paper shown red, green and gold. It glimmered cheerily in the lights of the tree and the fireplace, but did nothing to brighten his mood.
Another happily squashed wad of paper landed nearby and the boy looked up to the source of the litter. All the other family members had already opened their presents, and how it was his mother's turn.
"Oh John! It's Beautiful!" she exclaimed with delight. "I have wanted something like this for just the longest time!" She held the box in her hands, lovingly pulled out the expensive bracelet inside and held out her arm to her husband who was
sitting next to her on the couch. "Put it on me, wont you dear?"
The diamonds winked and twinkled on her wrist as her hands moved across the various boxes and packages still arranged in neat piles within easy reach. One by one the festive wrappings were torn away to reveal their wondrous contents. There was a big, fluffy bathrobe with matching slippers in just that shade of blue that matched mother's eyes from sister Amanda. They sat on the boxes of matching note-cards, pen and address book from Grandma which were covered in pansies; his mother's favorite flower.
There were pearl earrings from Aunt Julia, and a new, fine leather brief case from brother Jim. At last there were only two items left. The woman smiled as she reached for a tall, square package; this one wrapped neatly in silver paper covered in blue stars. The box was topped with a loopy blue and silver ribbon so huge that it nearly covered the entire top of the box. The whole family oooooohed and ahhhhed over the magnificent wrapping; but that was nothing compared to their reaction when the box was opened. Inside the beautiful paper, swaddled in confetti and bubble-wrap, was a china plate.
This was not just any porcelain plate, but a very expensive and delicate one. It had cranes painted on it. Oriental ladies fanned themselves and strolled under blossoming cherry trees, across a bridge that spanned a lovely little river. Water lilies floated in the water, and their blooms were painted in colors so delicate that the little boy thought he could almost reach out and pick one. The inside of the plate was creamy white, and the rim was painted in gold that shone brightly in the light of the
fireplace.
"This is too much," said mother. She ran her hand over the edge, taking in the smooth coolness under her fingertips. She turned the plate over in her hands, watching the way the light played across the translucent finish.
"I have never seen anything so beautiful!" she cried. "This is the best Christmas ever!" She stood up and gently lifted the plate and placed it on the mantle in between a pair of silver candlesticks. She stepped back to admire it and smiled. Then she sat down once again and reached for the last present.
This package was different from all the rest. It had a bow made from many bits of different colored yarn that was tied around wrapping paper made from a brown paper grocery bag. Stars and swirls of color were drawn all over the paper in crayon; the artist seemingly determined to use every color in the crayon box. This box was not wrapped as neatly as the others; its corners were not perfectly crisp and the tape stuck out in places. Nevertheless, she lifted it gingerly into her lap and opened it with care.
Inside the rather sorry-looking wrapping was an even sorrier-looking item. It was a pot made of clay.
"What's this?" she asked, lifting the pot from its box and turning it over in her hands. "Is this for me?" The poor little pot was thicker on one side than the other and was painted with bright yellow and orange flowers that could only be described as "noisy". The rim of the pot, if indeed the pot had a rim, was painted blue with yellow spots. There were thumb-prints dried into the bottom and it didn't sit quite straight on the table. It leaned to one side in a way that looked
to the little boy as if the clay had partially melted. Mother held it out at arm's length, blue eyes scanning the lumpy clay. "Did you make this for me?" she said, smiling to the little boy.
"Yes", he nodded looking nervously at the floor. He had spent a whole afternoon on it. His eyes traveled to the mantle where the china plate sat, gleaming regally.
"But it.s not very good". He said.
"Not very good?! Well I think it.s wonderful." Said mother. She reached out and ruffled the boy's unruly hair. She carried the little pot to the kitchen where she placed it on the table. It wobbled just a little, but otherwise stayed put.
In time the holidays passed as holidays do, and the little boy grew up as little boys do. Through the years, the beautiful china plate with the cranes and ladies on it stayed on the mantle; and the little boy.s mother dusted it once a week. When
people visited, she always took them to see the mantle where the plate stood between the candlesticks.
"This is my beautiful china plate", she told them. "I got it for Christmas but we mustn't use it. It's much too delicate." The company nodded solemnly and moved on.
When the children grew up, and left to start families of their own, Mother and Father decided to move to a smaller house. The beautiful china plate was lovingly and carefully wrapped up in its bubble-wrap and confetti and placed into the new
attic along with the candle sticks, and other boxes filled with photo albums and baby clothes that had long been outgrown. When the little boy, who was not so little any more, came to visit he found the old, lumpy clay pot filled with apples
and sitting on the dining room table. The noisy little flowers were faded now, and somebody had glued a little piece of cork to the bottom so that the pot no longer wobbled. "I didn't think you had kept this", he said thinking sullenly back to that morning with the tree and the china plate, where was that plate anyway?
He looked around.
No plate.
"Oh dear!!" Mother laughed. "I don't know what I'd do without my little clay pot!"
She removed the fruit and turned the pot over lovingly. "It still has your little thumb prints here all over the bottom! This pot used to have all my paper clips in it. Do you remember when it sat on Father's desk?"
The young man nodded.
"And I planted grandma's pansies in it, before they got too big in the Spring."
She went on, "And last Summer we filled it with sand and used it to prop open the
screen door! I kept my gardening supplies in it this Fall and it held down the paper
on my desk when I was working on the Christmas cards. Last week I had it filled
with pens and pencils by the phone! This pot has been the best present I've
ever gotten, and you made it for me all by yourself!"
The young man smiled and put the pot back on the table. He took a bite out of an
apple, then, whistling happily, he followed his mother into the kitchen for something to drink.
Monday, December 10, 2012
On Meditation
"Many people think that meditation is the process of training the mind. I prefer to think of it as a process by which we learn to percieve with the heart without the conscious or unconscious judgement and self-editing of the human mind. When someone says "keep this in mind", I think "Take this to heart" because I think that the heart is really the seat of Human intelligence and the key to global consciousness."
-Grace Gemini
-Grace Gemini
Friday, December 07, 2012
Faith
"It is inconceivable to me that a Universe in
which anything is possible could present us with a life full of
challenges without also giving us the means to overcome them."
- Grace Gemini
- Grace Gemini
Monday, November 26, 2012
Positive Thinking is an oxymoron
A dear friend on Facebook posted this article:
http://www.salon.com/2012/11/25/positive_thinking_is_for_suckers/
I was moved to post an answer, then again inspired to post it here. Enjoy!
***********************************************************************************
The assumption that all people are at the mercy of their cyclical, negative thoughts with no hope in sight is very typical of Western brain-centric ideology. I agree that to approach the concept of happiness from that perspective is an uphill battle on wheels.
However, from a Spiritualist perspective-my perspective- thought exists to be used as a tool to generate the feelings of happiness that we aim for. This is why affirmations don’t work for most people. We can stomp across a stage or read positive statements til we’re blue in the face but if we don’t feel them; and more importantly train ourselves so we carry the positive feeling until it becomes habitual, they won’t work to make us happy. The less effort; the better. This “short circuits” those ruminant patterns of thought that can sabotage us. ( meditation is a great tool in helping individuals break these habits)
Author Gregg Braden has a very interesting story about his visit to a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery where he asks the abbot t about the importance of all the paraphernalia around the monks during their prayers. He was told that all the accoutrements are meaningless since they exist to generate the feeling, and “The Feeling is the Prayer.”
http://unslavedmedia.net/unslavedmedia/watch_video.php?v=Y4YKNMSAAOA8 (check around timer 8:18)
A good book that approaches this subject is called “The Heart’s Code”, by Author Paul Pearsall. Pearsall describes the American belief in the superiority of the brain, and puts forth a very convincing argument that it is just this kind of “positive thinking” that keeps most of us from the happiness we seek. He states that for most Americans, any kind of sentiment- and by that, I mean what is felt, not purchased from Hallmark- makes us very uncomfortable.
Happiness is effortless.
This is not to say that it does not take some focus to get there. Those who achieve it are those who have conditioned their "ambient thoughts" to a place of neutrality and acceptance-with a healthy dose of your Buddhist "non-attachment".
Where modern Spiritual seekers run afoul of concepts like the Law of Attraction, “Motivational Speakers” or The Secret, is by
1) Aiming for something that they think will make them happy (instead of aiming for the happiness itself)
2) assuming that it is the words alone that will give them the outcome they desire.
Therefore, Secret behind the Secret, and what I think Burkeman is saying here, is that what you are, in effect, reaching for (though “reaching” may be too active a word in this context) is the feeling of well-being in spite of the prevailing circumstance. When you are already enjoying the feeling, suddenly the outcome doesn’t mean as much.
Whatever gets you there is irrelevant.
http://www.salon.com/2012/11/25/positive_thinking_is_for_suckers/
I was moved to post an answer, then again inspired to post it here. Enjoy!
The assumption that all people are at the mercy of their cyclical, negative thoughts with no hope in sight is very typical of Western brain-centric ideology. I agree that to approach the concept of happiness from that perspective is an uphill battle on wheels.
However, from a Spiritualist perspective-my perspective- thought exists to be used as a tool to generate the feelings of happiness that we aim for. This is why affirmations don’t work for most people. We can stomp across a stage or read positive statements til we’re blue in the face but if we don’t feel them; and more importantly train ourselves so we carry the positive feeling until it becomes habitual, they won’t work to make us happy. The less effort; the better. This “short circuits” those ruminant patterns of thought that can sabotage us. ( meditation is a great tool in helping individuals break these habits)
Author Gregg Braden has a very interesting story about his visit to a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery where he asks the abbot t about the importance of all the paraphernalia around the monks during their prayers. He was told that all the accoutrements are meaningless since they exist to generate the feeling, and “The Feeling is the Prayer.”
http://unslavedmedia.net/unslavedmedia/watch_video.php?v=Y4YKNMSAAOA8 (check around timer 8:18)
A good book that approaches this subject is called “The Heart’s Code”, by Author Paul Pearsall. Pearsall describes the American belief in the superiority of the brain, and puts forth a very convincing argument that it is just this kind of “positive thinking” that keeps most of us from the happiness we seek. He states that for most Americans, any kind of sentiment- and by that, I mean what is felt, not purchased from Hallmark- makes us very uncomfortable.
Happiness is effortless.
This is not to say that it does not take some focus to get there. Those who achieve it are those who have conditioned their "ambient thoughts" to a place of neutrality and acceptance-with a healthy dose of your Buddhist "non-attachment".
Where modern Spiritual seekers run afoul of concepts like the Law of Attraction, “Motivational Speakers” or The Secret, is by
1) Aiming for something that they think will make them happy (instead of aiming for the happiness itself)
2) assuming that it is the words alone that will give them the outcome they desire.
Therefore, Secret behind the Secret, and what I think Burkeman is saying here, is that what you are, in effect, reaching for (though “reaching” may be too active a word in this context) is the feeling of well-being in spite of the prevailing circumstance. When you are already enjoying the feeling, suddenly the outcome doesn’t mean as much.
Whatever gets you there is irrelevant.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
For Those Of You Who Are Becoming Real
FOR THOSE WHO ARE BECOMING REAL:
“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
All higher consciousness asks the same question; “Who are you, What are you?”
To answer this, we often begin by applying the appealing qualities of others onto our self-image like a patch on a pair of jeans. This is who I am.
When we realize that, in spite of our efforts, those parts we emulate in others remain outside ourselves, we begin to search for the qualities that are truly embodied within ourselves.
Sometimes we discover within us the same facets we admired in others; and sometimes not. But we always feel a little silly when we realize that we have lived life in its most superficial sense. It is exhausting, because we are taking unto ourselves, the weight of those things that do not belong to us.
There is no shame in this.
We are designed to learn through our associations with others.
It is your experiences that teach you-words do not teach, connections teach. When you are waking up, and carrying only what truly belongs to you, other connections do not drain you, and you suddenly realize how important those connections truly are.
They become your wings.
“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
All higher consciousness asks the same question; “Who are you, What are you?”
To answer this, we often begin by applying the appealing qualities of others onto our self-image like a patch on a pair of jeans. This is who I am.
When we realize that, in spite of our efforts, those parts we emulate in others remain outside ourselves, we begin to search for the qualities that are truly embodied within ourselves.
Sometimes we discover within us the same facets we admired in others; and sometimes not. But we always feel a little silly when we realize that we have lived life in its most superficial sense. It is exhausting, because we are taking unto ourselves, the weight of those things that do not belong to us.
There is no shame in this.
We are designed to learn through our associations with others.
It is your experiences that teach you-words do not teach, connections teach. When you are waking up, and carrying only what truly belongs to you, other connections do not drain you, and you suddenly realize how important those connections truly are.
They become your wings.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
You Don't Have To Like Me
You are under no obligation to like me.
You don’t have to like everything I do.
Feel free to like only some of the things I do, or some of the things I believe, or think or feel.
Or none of them.
You can organize and categorize every aspect of me, and pick and choose from any column and in any combination.
You can completely customize your vision of me, and then you can toss it all back and choose again.
You can like most of me, some of me or none of me. It’s your choice.
You can like me, or you can like what you think I am.
You do not have to know me at all.
It doesn’t matter.
Though what you think about me may, temporarily, peripherally or superficially cause me some sadness, it doesn’t make me a bad person.
In fact, it says nothing at all about me.
I choose whether or not to hold onto that sadness.
I release any need to have anyone choose anything in particular. I relieve you of the responsibility of pretending.
I do this because *I* like me.
I can do this because I know who I am.
I can do this because I take responsibility for my own happiness.
I know that happiness is a choice.
How much happier would you have been if you could say the same to your friends; your lovers? To your family?
You don’t have to like everything I do.
Feel free to like only some of the things I do, or some of the things I believe, or think or feel.
Or none of them.
You can organize and categorize every aspect of me, and pick and choose from any column and in any combination.
You can completely customize your vision of me, and then you can toss it all back and choose again.
You can like most of me, some of me or none of me. It’s your choice.
You can like me, or you can like what you think I am.
You do not have to know me at all.
It doesn’t matter.
Though what you think about me may, temporarily, peripherally or superficially cause me some sadness, it doesn’t make me a bad person.
In fact, it says nothing at all about me.
I choose whether or not to hold onto that sadness.
I release any need to have anyone choose anything in particular. I relieve you of the responsibility of pretending.
I do this because *I* like me.
I can do this because I know who I am.
I can do this because I take responsibility for my own happiness.
I know that happiness is a choice.
How much happier would you have been if you could say the same to your friends; your lovers? To your family?
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