Why help? *What* you do vs. *Why* you do it.

It is possible to be addicted to "helping people."
But seeing ourselves as "helpers" is an attachment to an identity, or ego-construct to which we ascribe a positive value that we do not feel that we otherwise possess. Thus by helping other people we are also fueling our own egos.
Helping people is what fills the void where self-worth *should* be.
When helping others is the only thing that makes us feel like a good person, we are really feeding an addiction.
We are using people to fill the hole in our own self-worth.

As long as we are in this ego-driven mode (being "helpful" because it's the only thing that makes us feel good), we will attract nothing but those who *need help*, and because the Universe can be very literal, they will always need help. In other words, since we continue to wish to "help", whatever aid we give will never be enough because we are perpetuating the idea that someone *NEEDS* help as opposed to the vision that that person is empowered on their own. You simply cannot help someone to NOT be the underdog, if you yourself are focusing on them as if they are.
By doing this, you are operating from a mind-set of scarcity, so what you will ultimately create is more scarcity.

So do we give up on being helpful?
Absolutely Not.
But what is important is WHY you do it. 
There are people who are so centered that they simply enjoy helping.  They *already* know of their own value and are not trying to make something up. They are helping from a place of compassion instead of a place of need.
I can't help but think that this is one reason there is such a high burn-out rate in social service and human service jobs (I did 10 years and that was enough). Like them, I was focused on fighting this injustice or that injustice and I got what I was focused on-more fighting and more injustice.
It's an interesting paradox that possibly the people most likely to go into this kind of work are the people who are the least likely to do any good and the most likely to burn out. 
( In my own defense I have to say that my career in Human Services took place 20 years ago before I changed my thinking)  But it is important to understand what your state of being is when you do. 

If you are *inspired* to help, it is a signal that you are within the Universal flow and whatever aid you do give will generate positive results.
If you feel *obligated* to help, chances are that this will not feel good to you, and that is an indication that your efforts will *not* generate anything but more effort.
Focusing on the problem, brings more of it.
Focusing on the fight brings more powerlessness.

Some people give energy by helping, and some take it away by doing the same thing. The difference is how balanced they are as people in their own right.
So be honest with yourself, and help people as long as it does not detract from your own happiness.
That is the only way you can attract those who can *truly* benefit from your help.

Love Difficult People

I never do anything the easy way, not ever.
I like it that way.

You see, some people search for those who make them comfortable with who they are-they feel that these people complete them.  They want people who reflect back to them only the stuff they want to see.
And that’s fine.
But the problem is, is that if someone else completes them, they never grow. 
They will always be the same person they are now, incomplete without the crutch, never seeing the things that lead to growth. 
Some people spend their lives trying to adjust themselves to keep ahold of  the mirror that shows them all the pretty things they want to see.
They say, “I love you, and I need you to be this way if you want to ensure that I continue to love you because I can’t provide that piece for myself, .”  Sure, they may be comfortable for a time, but trust me on this- they have given away their power and are in survival mode; looking to maintain the attachment for the rest of their lives. 
When they look back searching for success, they will only find reminders of what they lost.

But others look for those who challenge them.  They search out people who make them grow, and through that growth they become better people.  It isn’t easy, and it isn’t always fun-but in the end what they learn is worth more than a thousand lives of comfort.
They appreciate difficult people who teach them to be responsible for their own actions.  Challenging people teach us to stand on our own because we are complete within ourselves.  We may have started by looking at ourselves and not liking what we see, and we may blame the other person for highlighting that; but we end by learning to love ALL of ourselves-and only that way can we ever learn to love anyone else.  They help us to change, and they give us a means to discover what we truly value, and what is really valuable.

People who challenge us stand in recognition of all that we are, and all that we could be.  They cause us to say, “I Love you in this moment, but I do not need you.  I choose to Love you in the next moment, and all the moments to come and I will Love you no matter who you are, and no matter what you do or how you change.”

When someone loves themselves because of what someone else sees, they need that someone else to reflect that back to them. 
But when someone loves themselves reregardless of what they see,  the WHOLE WORLD  will reflect to them the essence of that Love, and that Love will be shown no matter who they are.

These people are your Soul Mates, your Twin Flames.  They are part of you, embodied in another and exist to push you beyond your comfort zone. 
Sure, there is the risk of getting hurt, and it's WORK-but the gift of self-Love and self-Realization is worth it.
Take the easy way out?
Not me.
Not ever.
 I like it this way.

Writing From the Bottom of the Barrel

I don't consider it a complement when people tell me that I make Spiritual growth "look easy".
Here's why.

It's because it isn't.
And if someone looks to me, and thinks I'm having an easy time of it all, they begin to worry that there's something wrong with themselves if they are having problems.
So...

I made a mistake today.  It was a tiny thing, I was visiting a friend, and I put something in the wrong spot, and the other person involved approached me and explained gently what the issue was, why it was that way, and asked me to do something else.  He wasn't angry.  He wasn't hateful.  He didn't beat up on me about it.
He didn't have to.
Because I spend the next two hours beating up on myself enough for the both of us, and everyone else on the block (and their pets-and possibly their plants as well.).  You know how that works; you're embarrased over what happens so you get mad at yourself.  But NO!  I'm a Spiritual Being!  I forgive, and accept and, and and-!!
"And" nothing-you're mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself. 
And I didn't stop there. 
I went on to tell myself that I was somehow less competent than other people who seemed to "get it".  That I would never "get it".  I wasn't as good as they were.  I was useless, I never did anything right, I didn't deserve to have a happy life because I was just so plain stupid.  Why couldn't I make this work? (Oh, I had an answer to that, too.)
I just wasn't meant to be happy.
What a vicious cycle.
Sound familiar?
So, back to it "being easy"...

When I first began to study Shamanism about 14 years ago, and through that the odd mix of Spiritual views I practise now, I began with simply noticing what thoughts were dominant in my mind.  I didn't try to change them, I just noticed them.  I was reading a book called "Urban Shaman" by Serge Kahili King at the time, and that was what the book listed as the "first step".  Just taking a step back and looking without judgement at what that voice in your head was telling you-and how often it spoke.
What you might not understand here is that, in the beginning it was happening virtually 24/7.  I mean, ALL THE TIME. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was one, non-stop tirade of negative down-talk.  I was certainly starting from a point at which is wasn't possible to sink any lower.
13 YEARS later, it still happens.

Not nearly as often, thank goodness-but when it does, it's still brings me to my knees.
So, don't feel too bad.
Obviously, I still struggle.
I wrote 6 pages in my journal today while I worked through that mistake.

Mistake?  Well...let's look at it another way. 
There are no mistakes.
What happened alerted me to something that I did not like.  With some pondering I was able to glean from that what my preferences were.  Once I did that, I had something to aim for-the feeling of what it would be like to have what I wanted.  What a wonderful key I was given-and I might not have discovered this if I hadn't had this experience.  So...was it a "mistake"?
I don't think so.
You shouldn't either. :)
Sure, for the three or so hours I spent wrestling with it-let's face it-it SUCKED.
But though it may sting a little, we can all choose to focus on what we learn. 
Eventually, that's all we'll remember.

On Being Selfish

"The more you wake up in Life, the more you realize that 'selfish' isn't the negative word you thought it was. You are A Universe of 1; complete, self-contained and infinite. Since everything you see in your world is a reflection of you, the only thing you can do is focus on your own happiness and you will see that happiness reflected back to you in the form of the people and situations around you. So being "selfish" is the first step in helping 'The World' to be at its very best. "
-Grace Gemini

The Gift. Happy Holiday's To All

An older story, but still relevant.  I hope you Enjoy it!



A little boy sat on the living room floor with legs crossed, deep in thought.
Colorful scraps of paper, glittering confetti and curling ribbon attached to pieces of Scotch tape lay crumpled and strewn in chaotic piles around his knees. He stretched out a slippered foot and sullenly kicked at a bit of the stuff, turning it
over with his toes. The call of discarded wrapping paper shown red, green and gold. It glimmered cheerily in the lights of the tree and the fireplace, but did nothing to brighten his mood.
Another happily squashed wad of paper landed nearby and the boy looked up to the source of the litter. All the other family members had already opened their presents, and how it was his mother's turn.

"Oh John! It's Beautiful!" she exclaimed with delight. "I have wanted something like this for just the longest time!" She held the box in her hands, lovingly pulled out the expensive bracelet inside and held out her arm to her husband who was
sitting next to her on the couch. "Put it on me, wont you dear?"
The diamonds winked and twinkled on her wrist as her hands moved across the various boxes and packages still arranged in neat piles within easy reach. One by one the festive wrappings were torn away to reveal their wondrous contents. There was a big, fluffy bathrobe with matching slippers in just that shade of blue that matched mother's eyes from sister Amanda. They sat on the boxes of matching note-cards, pen and address book from Grandma which were covered in pansies; his mother's favorite flower.
There were pearl earrings from Aunt Julia, and a new, fine leather brief case from brother Jim. At last there were only two items left. The woman smiled as she reached for a tall, square package; this one wrapped neatly in silver paper covered in blue stars. The box was topped with a loopy blue and silver ribbon so huge that it nearly covered the entire top of the box. The whole family oooooohed and ahhhhed over the magnificent wrapping; but that was nothing compared to their reaction when the box was opened. Inside the beautiful paper, swaddled in confetti and bubble-wrap, was a china plate.
This was not just any porcelain plate, but a very expensive and delicate one. It had cranes painted on it. Oriental ladies fanned themselves and strolled under blossoming cherry trees, across a bridge that spanned a lovely little river. Water lilies floated in the water, and their blooms were painted in colors so delicate that the little boy thought he could almost reach out and pick one. The inside of the plate was creamy white, and the rim was painted in gold that shone brightly in the light of the
fireplace.
"This is too much," said mother. She ran her hand over the edge, taking in the smooth coolness under her fingertips. She turned the plate over in her hands, watching the way the light played across the translucent finish.
"I have never seen anything so beautiful!" she cried. "This is the best Christmas ever!" She stood up and gently lifted the plate and placed it on the mantle in between a pair of silver candlesticks. She stepped back to admire it and smiled. Then she sat down once again and reached for the last present.

This package was different from all the rest. It had a bow made from many bits of different colored yarn that was tied around wrapping paper made from a brown paper grocery bag. Stars and swirls of color were drawn all over the paper in crayon; the artist seemingly determined to use every color in the crayon box. This box was not wrapped as neatly as the others; its corners were not perfectly crisp and the tape stuck out in places. Nevertheless, she lifted it gingerly into her lap and opened it with care.
Inside the rather sorry-looking wrapping was an even sorrier-looking item. It was a pot made of clay.
"What's this?" she asked, lifting the pot from its box and turning it over in her hands. "Is this for me?" The poor little pot was thicker on one side than the other and was painted with bright yellow and orange flowers that could only be described as "noisy". The rim of the pot, if indeed the pot had a rim, was painted blue with yellow spots. There were thumb-prints dried into the bottom and it didn't sit quite straight on the table. It leaned to one side in a way that looked
to the little boy as if the clay had partially melted.  Mother held it out at arm's length, blue eyes scanning the lumpy clay. "Did you make this for me?" she said, smiling to the little boy.
"Yes", he nodded looking nervously at the floor. He had spent a whole afternoon on it. His eyes traveled to the mantle where the china plate sat, gleaming regally.
"But it.s not very good". He said.
"Not very good?! Well I think it.s wonderful." Said mother. She reached out and ruffled the boy's unruly hair. She carried the little pot to the kitchen where she placed it on the table. It wobbled just a little, but otherwise stayed put.

In time the holidays passed as holidays do, and the little boy grew up as little boys do. Through the years, the beautiful china plate with the cranes and ladies on it stayed on the mantle; and the little boy.s mother dusted it once a week. When
people visited, she always took them to see the mantle where the plate stood between the candlesticks.
"This is my beautiful china plate", she told them. "I got it for Christmas but we mustn't use it. It's much too delicate." The company nodded solemnly and moved on.
When the children grew up, and left to start families of their own, Mother and Father decided to move to a smaller house. The beautiful china plate was lovingly and carefully wrapped up in its bubble-wrap and confetti and placed into the new
attic along with the candle sticks, and other boxes filled with photo albums and baby clothes that had long been outgrown. When the little boy, who was not so little any more, came to visit he found the old, lumpy clay pot filled with apples
and sitting on the dining room table. The noisy little flowers were faded now, and somebody had glued a little piece of cork to the bottom so that the pot no longer wobbled. "I didn't think you had kept this", he said thinking sullenly back to that morning with the tree and the china plate, where was that plate anyway?
He looked around.
No plate.
"Oh dear!!" Mother laughed. "I don't know what I'd do without my little clay pot!"
She removed the fruit and turned the pot over lovingly. "It still has your little thumb prints here all over the bottom! This pot used to have all my paper clips in it. Do you remember when it sat on Father's desk?"
The young man nodded.
"And I planted grandma's pansies in it, before they got too big in the Spring."
She went on, "And last Summer we filled it with sand and used it to prop open the
screen door! I kept my gardening supplies in it this Fall and it held down the paper
on my desk when I was working on the Christmas cards. Last week I had it filled
with pens and pencils by the phone! This pot has been the best present I've
ever gotten, and you made it for me all by yourself!"
The young man smiled and put the pot back on the table. He took a bite out of an
apple, then, whistling happily, he followed his mother into the kitchen for something to drink.

Positive Thinking is an oxymoron

A dear friend on Facebook posted this article:

http://www.salon.com/2012/11/25/positive_thinking_is_for_suckers/


 I was moved to post an answer, then again inspired to post it here.   Enjoy!

 ***********************************************************************************
The assumption that all people are at the mercy of their cyclical, negative thoughts with no hope in sight is very typical of Western brain-centric ideology. I agree that to approach the concept of happiness from that perspective is an uphill battle on wheels.
However, from a Spiritualist perspective-my perspective- thought exists to be used as a tool to generate the feelings of happiness that we aim for. This is why affirmations don’t work for most people. We can stomp across a stage or read positive statements til we’re blue in the face but if we don’t feel them; and more importantly train ourselves so we carry the positive feeling until it becomes habitual, they won’t work to make us happy. The less effort; the better. This “short circuits” those ruminant patterns of thought that can sabotage us. ( meditation is a great tool in helping individuals break these habits)

Author Gregg Braden has a very interesting story about his visit to a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery where he asks the abbot t about the importance of all the paraphernalia around the monks during their prayers. He was told that all the accoutrements are meaningless since they exist to generate the feeling, and “The Feeling is the Prayer.”
http://unslavedmedia.net/unslavedmedia/watch_video.php?v=Y4YKNMSAAOA8 (check around timer 8:18)

A good book that approaches this subject is called “The Heart’s Code”, by Author Paul Pearsall. Pearsall describes the American belief in the superiority of the brain, and puts forth a very convincing argument that it is just this kind of “positive thinking” that keeps most of us from the happiness we seek. He states that for most Americans, any kind of sentiment- and by that, I mean what is felt, not purchased from Hallmark- makes us very uncomfortable.

Happiness is effortless.
This is not to say that it does not take some focus to get there. Those who achieve it are those who have conditioned their "ambient thoughts" to a place of neutrality and acceptance-with a healthy dose of your Buddhist "non-attachment".

Where modern Spiritual seekers run afoul of concepts like the Law of Attraction, “Motivational Speakers” or The Secret, is by

1) Aiming for something that they think will make them happy (instead of aiming for the happiness itself)
2) assuming that it is the words alone that will give them the outcome they desire.

Therefore, Secret behind the Secret, and what I think Burkeman is saying here, is that what you are, in effect, reaching for (though “reaching” may be too active a word in this context) is the feeling of well-being in spite of the prevailing circumstance. When you are already enjoying the feeling, suddenly the outcome doesn’t mean as much.
Whatever gets you there is irrelevant.

For Those Of You Who Are Becoming Real

FOR THOSE WHO ARE BECOMING REAL:

 “Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit


 
All higher consciousness asks the same question; “Who are you, What are you?”
To answer this, we often begin by applying the appealing qualities of others onto our self-image like a patch on a pair of jeans.  This is who I am.
When we realize that, in spite of our efforts, those parts we emulate in others remain outside ourselves, we begin to search for the qualities that are truly embodied within ourselves.
Sometimes we discover within us the same facets we admired in others; and sometimes not.  But we always feel a little silly when we realize that we have lived life in its most superficial sense.  It is exhausting, because we are taking unto ourselves, the weight of those things that do not belong to us.
There is no shame in this.
We are designed to learn through our associations with others.
It is your experiences that teach you-words do not teach, connections teach.  When you are waking up, and carrying only what truly belongs to you, other connections do not drain you, and you suddenly realize how important those connections truly are.
They become your wings.

 

In All Growth There Is Some Pain

Many people ask me why there is such pain involved in Spiritual Growth. The answer is simple, though difficult to hear;

In order to experience yourself as what you are, you must first experience what you are not.

This is part of the duality of the Universe and even Einstein was aware of it when he conceived his theory of relativity. In order for something to know itself, it must have something

to compare itself to.

In order to understand something in this Universe, there must be a starting point, and a point of comparison. To destroy something, it must first have been created. And to create something, it must be able to be created from a point of “being-not”.

In simple terms, this means that in order for you to know that you have the power of creation within you, you must first create. In order to create yourself, you must first un-create yourself. So what you were, must first be destroyed in order for you to create it.

Got it?

This is what is meant by the “Alpha and the Omega”, the beginning and the end. The two are connected and dependent on each other.

“But if I am a part of God, how can I not be what I am?”

I’m glad you asked that.

You can’t.

But you *can* forget, and in coming to this physical Universe to know experientially what you had previously only understood conceptually, you did just that. We are here to experience the process of coming to know who we are (or not), and to make the choices (or not) that lead us there.

This is why, what we experience is termed “re-membering”, because we are becoming again what we were. We are re-joining the whole of All-That-Is (which previously was “All That Was” until we added to it).

You exist.

You choose.

You emerge (here)

You experience

You destroy

You create

You remember.

You already know.

I’m just here to re-mind you.

When Life Gets Rough, Remember Why You Are Here.

You’re here to *learn* things.

Not to know things.

That’s a very important distinction.

You’re not here to *know* lessons-you’re not here so that this information magically appears inside your head.

...

It was the *process* of learning that was important to you, with all it’s delays, issues and effort and pain. Have faith that everything you experience is a part of that learning- the reason that you are here.

The journey *IS* the destination. So relish it.

So What Did You Really Love?

So, What Did You Really Love?

Let’s say that you go to a restaurant.
This place advertises that it serves the best nachos on the East Coast.  It’s advertised in the menu, and it might even be on that little lighted board that they sometimes put out on the sidewalk to catch the eye of people passing by.  You may have had them there before, or known someone else who just raved about them!  Either way, you are smiling on your way in the door.
When you get to a table, you feel pretty good!  You’re *really* looking forward to this meal.   And when you’re in a mood this good, everything else in life just seems to line up too.  So you sit down, and order the nachos, the waiter says “Coming right up.”
But they don’t show.
So after thirty minutes or so, you might ask again about the status of your order.  And again the water apologizes and says, “Just a few more minutes.”  This goes on for the better part of two hours, and finally you ask to see a manager who tells you “Oh, sorry-you see, that was a special occasion, we don’t make those any more.  In fact, we fired the chef who did, and the owner has such a thing against that jerk that we will never ever serve nachos again just because they remind the owner of the chef he didn’t like.  Sorry-but if you had asked, we would have told you so it’s really your fault for wasting your own time so don’t go thinking that you’ll get any discounts on something else.”
If the restaurant does not offer you what you wanted, and is unwilling to work with you-what do you do?
Do you continue to sit there, hoping that SOMEDAY they *might* decide to serve them again because they used to do it?  Do you blame yourself for believing in something that was promised to you. Perhaps you think that if you had been a better person, they might have made them for you anyway?  You might sit there, remembering the time you had the nachos, and order something else; pay more-enjoy it less, and think that you were lucky to have had nachos once and you should settle for what you can get now.  Some people might grab the menu, point to all the things advertised and yell “YOU PROMISED!”  Maybe they think that will guilt the manager into producing the food.
But that’s really sad.
You want to get up and go to a place that promises what you want-and comes through with those promises right?
Why then, do we hold ourselves in relationships that no longer come through with what was promised in the beginning?
When you ask someone why they remain in a relationship like this, they are likely to say, “Why, because I’m in love!”
But that begs the question-if what you are in love with is no longer a part of the menu-or what was offered is not, in truth, available from the partner-or never was; then just what do you love now? (not then, but now?)

You love the illusion of what you were being offered.  You love the memories.
You loved the way you felt.
Sit down for this one-
You loved the WAY YOU FELT.
You loved your vision of them.

BUT YOU DO NOT LOVE THEM.

You wanted to be with them because you felt better about yourself when you were.

But now you no longer feel good about yourself.
So now what?

The key is to realize that feeling good about yourself has NOTHING to do with them.
What a partner may do, temporarily, is motivate you to connect more strongly with your Inner Be-ing and it’s that CONNECTION TO YOURSELF that makes you feel good. Returning to our poor friend at the table, what happens is that eventually the menu changes.  The person changes.  And you are left without access to your connection, sitting around waiting for something to change so you can get it back.
Realizing that what you once loved no longer exists is hard.  You feel like a fool.  You want to do *something*-anything-to get back to that good feeling place you were once in.
This is a hard truth for many to stomach-no pun intended.  But the truth is; the ONLY one responsible for your connection is YOU-and once you practice a little, you can make that connection yourself, BY YOURSELF, any time you want regardless of who is with, or not with you.  And via Universal laws, once you are able to Love yourself-you will see that love reflected back to you in the people around you.
To put it as clearly as I can (at the moment):
You do NOT fall in Love with people.  You encounter people who remind you to fall in Love with yourself. And if they no longer do that, let them eat cake.

A Walmart Tale

Several months ago, while I was sitting on a bench waiting for a friend to complete her shopping at Walmart, I had a chance to chat with a lovely older lady who was sharing my seat.  We discussed our day and it came up in conversation-as it often seems to between perfect strangers and I- that she had been having a bad time recently and I said, ” I’m so sorry to hear that.  Do you have anything pleasant to focus on at all?”  Unfortunately she answered “No.”
So I gave her my bracelet.
It was a silly thing I had made, a coil-wrap wire bracelet with bright beads and charms on it.  It had a little guy in a space suit on one end and a charm of the space shuttle on the other and I chose the beads because they reminded me of planets.  I said, “Well, now you can say that you got a gift from a complete stranger!”  And she smiled.
A few days ago, I was at Walmart again, and a somewhat younger lady was at the pharmacy waiting in line with me for medicine and I happened to look at her wrist and noticed my bracelet.  I asked her where she got it, and she said “My mother gave it to me.  I was having a bad day and she said she got it from an angel on a day when she was having a rough time, and it would make me smile when I looked at it too.”
Everything is working out just the way it’s supposed to.

A Thankless Job

Last night, I did a distance healing for someone who I know will never thank me for it.  I opened his heart chakra, pulled out all the gunk and replaced it with Love, Peace and Clarity.
I think it worked.

The best of us

"Do not thank someone in your life for bringing out the best in you, because that feeling will only last as long as they do. Thank the one who teaches you to bring out the best in *yourself* because that will last long after they're gone."

-Grace Gemini

There is no Hate.

"We Love. We are Love. We can't help but Love, and in a Universe of attraction all the can happen is that we allow Love in our lives or we do not. Hate is the disallowing of Love."

-Grace Gemini

The reason it ends is sometimes the same reason it began

I believe that experience is the best teacher, and I have been criticized in  the past for drawing from personal experience which resulted in writing that the was "too personal" or uncomfortable to read. 
Good. 
If it strikes a chord in the reader, then it stands a better chance of making the reader think.  That is the mission of a teacher, and I'm not afraid of the possibility of making myself look a little worse to help someone else become a little better.  That being said;

I lost the love of my life today.

 Not like it wasn’t expected, and this relationship has been dragging on and off really for the last year anyway but this morning it ended abruptly, with a phone call- his choice.   

But…

I’m a tuned-in, turned on, tapped in member of the Leading Edge of Creation!  Doesn’t this fly in the face of all those Universal laws?  I’m good at what I do!  I’m a Shaman!  How did this happen, then? 

Well, I took a look at the kinds of things I was putting out to the Universe when we first met 4 years ago. 

In 2009 I was made homeless by a flood, diagnosed with COPD, lost my job; and had a minor stroke.  So I was a mess, it’s no surprise looking back that the worst of my own characteristics came back to me in the form of this person (and others) as that was my dominant vibration. 
It worked at the time because we were both angry and carried a mostly pessimistic view of the world.  I spent a lot of time trying to stay in that vibration because I wanted to resonate with him, I “wanted it to work”, and that attracted things and people that were even worse.  It was not pretty, there was anger, jealousy, blame, suspicion, neediness and more.  I'm not proud of who I was.

Then, I discovered the teachings of Abraham, and Bashar and several others, it made sense to me;  so I chose to work on my vibration.  Those teachings did not appeal to him, and so the result was that his vibration stayed the same.  This was his choice and he has every right to it.  
But even after I began my serious vibration work, he couldn’t see me in any other way.  He and I were the strongest of mirrors, and everything negative I put out seemed to come back with a fury from this man, but he didn't reflect back "the good stuff" as I was putting it out there. In vibrational work it is said that one cannot percieve the vibration of what they are not.
I tried to buck the current of what he expected from me, but he was too strong and we just kept pulling this stuff out of each other. We sunk, in a manner of speaking, to our lowest common vibration. He interpreted everything in the worst possible light.  All the *other* stuff I had attracted, the other people and the other situations eventually cleared away, so I knew it was working.  But he stuck around and we still interacted like water and sodium no matter how hard I tried.  So his anger, the anger that originally brought him into my life, got the better of him.  He used that old vibration to focus on and reinforce the worst possible view of reality, and he ended the relationship.  He treated me as though I was the way I was when I met him.

But…

I wasn't that person any more.  I haven’t been that person for 2 years now. 

So what had kept him in my sphere all this time- in spite of all our attempts to separate, and why did it happen today?

I think that it has something to do with this:  about 3 days ago, I finally made the connection that everything around me is a reflection.  II sort of knew it then, but now I really REALLY finally put it together.
So I understood that there was something in me (and in his reality, there is something in him) that was still reflecting something back to me.  I had changed the overall vibration so it couldn't have been that-so what then?
I took a good look at myself, and after some soul-searching, I decided that I had done the best I could and made the conscious choice to forgive myself for my behavior over the years.  (Thank you to Don Miguel Ruiz and Eckhart Tolle whose works I have recently found)  I had forgiven him long ago but this time, it was for *me*.  And on that day I felt my vibration rise to a higher level than it had been before, and stay there.
You see, it was with that action, I let go of the last vestiges of the old vibration and in doing so, gave it the release it needed to finally end.  Being such a perfect mirror as he is, he picked up on it and said goodbye right away.

But...
A strange thing happened.
After I did that, I realized that this relationship would not have worked with him, as he is, anyway.
And that's OK.
As he is now, he will be drawn to individuals that are more like he is now; Maybe more like I was then. He simply isn't capable of reflecting me as I am now.  I know why he couldn't see me.  And that's OK.  He is the best mirror I've ever known and I'm sure there will be many more who need to learn the lessons he can provide at the frequency at which he provides them.
But *I* am waking up to something different. 
For me, there will be different people- and that's OK.   As he is now, we do not resonate and that’s OK.  As he is now, he will not hear anything I have to say anyway.   Because you cannot percieve a thing that you are not the vibration of.
And that's OK.

As he is now, I Love him. But I know that though he is in my heart; he no longer belongs in my life.  And that is fine.
Nobody failed here.  The Laws of the Universe are intact and working perfectly. 

And…

I'm OK.
Sure, it stings, but I also can’t help but be amazingly grateful for this experience.   What a magnificent Soulmate he is to have taught me so much!  How fearless he was to reflect back to me everything I needed to know, no matter how unpleasant or painful.  Even though I know he doesn't understand this in his physical form, what a gift he gave me from Spirit when he agreed to do this.  How lucky I was to have someone as funny, smart, handsome, giving, selfless, truthful and worldly.   I may have started writing today with tears of sadness, but now they are a great flowing stream of appreciation and I shed them in his honor, and in mine. 
I know it was a good experience.  I've recieved the benefit of clarity and I'm expanding!  I can see the positive aspects of this, and I'm really challenged to find a negative one!
That's how I know I've truly changed.

Looking back on the past three days, I can see how , with so many things to be enthusiastic about, as my vibrational work had really picked up momentum in other areas of my life; the one thing that didn’t fit was…well…for lack of a better word “ejected” from my life. It's no longer the shock it was.

I understand why it happened now, I take it as a sign of great progress.  There is something better coming. I have been honing the idea of what I really want all this time  My vibration is purer than it has ever been before.  I'll be attracting people who are at this new vibration, they're already showing up!  What is on the way is much better and fuller and more complete than what has passed, and when it comes it will be spectacular!
I have him to thank for that. 

So...

Thank you, Be happy, Be well.  I Love you. Namaste.

After today's request for emergency healing for a friend's cat

"Hey Grace, "THE CAT" JUST ATE!! yeahhhhhh....i just got done cleaning her face and eyes and giving her meds. the swelling on her face even looks a little better... AFter her meds, she groomed herself as usual, cleaned her face and then curled up and is sleeping peacefully now...thank you so much for all you help.. Wow,..."

YAY!

On perfection

"If someone tells you that a relationship is perfect for them "in spite of the shit", then it's not perfect. If they truly thought it was perfect, it wouldn't even occur to them to say "in spite of"."

-Grace Gemini

True Teachers

"The greatest Teachers do not say "Worship me". They do not say "Follow me."
The greatest Teachers said "Be LIKE me."
They are not interested in creating "followers", they are creating EQUALS."
-Grace Gemini

Fear

"Fear is what takes us out of the present moment. When you are afraid, you are thinking about something that has happened, or worrying about something that may happen.
When you are out of the present moment, you are off your path. Your mind will play tricks on you. The rational mind will begin to search for reasons and evidence to support the fear it feels. You become reactionary instead of responsible.
Don't worry about this, it happens from time to time. You are always able to stop, take a breath and re-focus on the present moment. You are always able to begin again."
-Grace Gemini

Truth and Lies.

When people lie, it often stems from shame, fear or guilt. Shame comes because we can't, or won't except the truth.  Fear occurs when the truth is something we might not want to hear.  Guilt happens when we expect that the truth will hurt another.

But the problem is that all words carry energy; lies, especially so.  Even if the person being lied to does not know on a conscious level that they are being lied to, they do feel it; and that energy eats away at the foundation of the relationship.

So, step into your truth.  Take responsibility for the choices you've made.  Act and speak with integrity.  Do not focus on the opinions or actions of others.  Letting go of dependance on the feelings of others brings you freedom.  You will no longer be bound by the fear of loss.  You will be free of having to maintain the lie.  You release the shame that comes when you know you have not acted properly.  You will be liberated from the fear of discovery.  You will be free of worry about who knows what information and you will have no potential shame at being "found out".  You will no longer have to pile lies on lies to maintain the status quo. 

Be equitable with others, but above all with yourself. And be aware how a torrent of suppressed "truths" about another may in reality be unresolved issues you have within yourself.  Understand how our "rational" minds can often deceive us.  Being honest is about allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable.  As with all paradox, this contains great power for transformation because only then are we genuine in our dealings with others; and only then can we change resentment into connection.