Yesterday I posted an entry concerning the memories and synchronicity that had been manifesting around me. (You can read that here: http://grace-in-search-of-grace.blogspot.com/2014/07/dog-gone.html )
I was at a loss as to why this was coming up now
Well, this morning I had a sort of epiphany.
In addition to the dog videos that have come across my path, there have also been a number of recent cases where I have been asked to assist in the re-homing of a pet.
The most recent was just this morning, in fact.
Now, I don't really consider myself to be an Animal Activist, but one thing that deeply saddens me is the thought of an animal being unwanted. Without getting into the reasons behind this (that's for another entry!) I resonate strongly with that feeling.
Looking back on this, I realized that there was, indeed, a connection
to the processing that I began not too long ago. So now, it is clear
that the thought of an unwanted animal really ties into my own feelings
of abandonment. After all, what is more forsaken than a companion
animal who is taken into a home with the inherent obligation that that
action includes a life-time of love and care, only to be left by the people it loves.
I've seen
stories and videos of companion animals living in the garage next to the
house they used to live in for as long as two years, waiting for their deceased owners to return.
I do not know if animals are capable of the kind of processing
necessary to understand and integrate the experience, but I'm sure that the loss does not go unnoticed.
The memory that came up is all tangled up in the feelings of abandonment/forsaken/unwanted/bereft-and, perhaps not-so coincidentally, all these words have come up in my journal work in recent weeks.
I find that I have a passion for connecting abandoned companion animals with new owners who will Love them. Obviously, in doing that, I am attempting to ameliorate some of my own energetic baggage.
The experience with my neighbor's dog coming up at this time, also makes sense to me now.
As humans, we do not really possess a "thinking body" until we are about
8 years old. Before that age, we simply feel, and sometimes as we get
older, we are left with memories that consist of feelings and emotions
but have no real words associated with them.
The current "Me" has the sophistication to understand that it may be gentler and more loving to let an animal go. There are pain and quality of life issues that need to be addressed, and I can deal with that now.
But, the 7 year old "Then Me" did not have those intellectual resources.
As far as I knew, Duffy was taken away because he was old. I didn't see why that was necessary-my grandparents were old, and nobody was taking *them* away. I must have found it terribly unfair. I must have thought that he was simply unwanted, and that it was tragic to be put out simply for that reason when *I* sure wanted him.
I guess it's a good thing for something that I had obviously shut out for so long to come up for integration.
I guess it's a good thing to have just that much more understanding of why I do things the way I do.
I guess it's a good thing to become more familiar with who I really am.
I guess I have reasons now to be grateful for those experiences which led to it all.
Sooo.....
Godspeed Duffy, King, Dukey, Shoep, Je-ju, Mitsy, Bell, Snowball, Zephyr, and all the others.
And, Thank you.
Showing posts with label quantum physics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quantum physics. Show all posts
Friday, July 18, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Dog-gone.
I'm sure there is a reason for this, but frankly, that doesn't make it any easier.
Lately, I've been spending a lot of time trying some techniques for integration. (If in the unlikelyevent , you don't know what I mean, watch this:) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3V_Gtfr_YA&list=PLoME_J8FevCD481r3UzlI7tdd1i3WsqBt&feature=player_embedded
One thing that gets mentioned a lot is that while involved in a process like this, old memories come up; and the occasional suppressed memory tags along for the ride.
I'm an animal activist, and recently, Synchronicity has put two videos in front of my face, both about dogs and their bond with their owners when the dog becomes ill and must leave this life. One was about a dog named "Dukey" and another about a dog named "Shoep". You can probablyfind them online if you really want to.
As if *that* wasn't enough to make me cry-and it did.
A lot-
Continuously.
Emotionally.
You get the point...
I remembered something from my childhood.
I was not allowed to have pets as a child, though I wanted one desperately. I became close to the dog across the street, a yellow lab named Duffy, and I visited him almost every day. His owner, Mrs. Olen, was anelderly woman and she was always very kind to me.
One day, when I was about 7, I remember getting into my mother's car, with Mrs. Olen and Duffy in the back seat. This was unusual as animals were never allowed in thecars .
I have a veryclear vision of looking over my shoulder into Duffy's eyes and asking what was going on. My mother said we were taking Duffy to the vet, and she wouldn't say anything else.
I don't remember a single thing about that day aside from those 3 minutes although I'm sure I must have gone to the vet and waited with my mother to drive Mrs. Olen (and presumably, Duffy) home but search as I might, I cannot recall it.
But I am certain now, because the feelings I felt watching these two videos were identical to the feelings I felt when Duffy suddenly wasn't across the street any more, that it was on that day years ago that we took Duffy to be put to sleep.
I think I disassociated from the grief I must have felt then, and guess what guys! It's coming up NOW in the aftermath of having come across those two videos.
Poor Duffy. Maybe if I had had the strength to remain focused at the time, I might have made his transition easier, I might have said goodbye, I might have had some closure.
But I didn't.
Just *why* this memory is apparently so important to relive isn't clear, but it's apparent that there is a lesson in there somewhere. What might you tell that child who was in the car, with a good friend about to die, and wasn't aware enough to be of any help?
It has been a really rough and raw couple of days-does anyone have any insight into this?
Lately, I've been spending a lot of time trying some techniques for integration. (If in the unlikely
One thing that gets mentioned a lot is that while involved in a process like this, old memories come up; and the occasional suppressed memory tags along for the ride.
I'm an animal activist, and recently, Synchronicity has put two videos in front of my face, both about dogs and their bond with their owners when the dog becomes ill and must leave this life. One was about a dog named "Dukey" and another about a dog named "Shoep". You can probably
As if *that* wasn't enough to make me cry-and it did.
A lot-
Continuously.
Emotionally.
You get the point...
I remembered something from my childhood.
I was not allowed to have pets as a child, though I wanted one desperately. I became close to the dog across the street, a yellow lab named Duffy, and I visited him almost every day. His owner, Mrs. Olen, was an
One day, when I was about 7, I remember getting into my mother's car, with Mrs. Olen and Duffy in the back seat. This was unusual as animals were never allowed in the
I have a very
I don't remember a single thing about that day aside from those 3 minutes although I'm sure I must have gone to the vet and waited with my mother to drive Mrs. Olen (and presumably, Duffy) home but search as I might, I cannot recall it.
But I am certain now, because the feelings I felt watching these two videos were identical to the feelings I felt when Duffy suddenly wasn't across the street any more, that it was on that day years ago that we took Duffy to be put to sleep.
I think I disassociated from the grief I must have felt then, and guess what guys! It's coming up NOW in the aftermath of having come across those two videos.
Poor Duffy. Maybe if I had had the strength to remain focused at the time, I might have made his transition easier, I might have said goodbye, I might have had some closure.
But I didn't.
Just *why* this memory is apparently so important to relive isn't clear, but it's apparent that there is a lesson in there somewhere. What might you tell that child who was in the car, with a good friend about to die, and wasn't aware enough to be of any help?
It has been a really rough and raw couple of days-does anyone have any insight into this?
Monday, November 04, 2013
Tell It To The Judge.
Ugly.
Stupid.
Smelly.
Sickening.
Racist.
Disgusting.
Many of you who read the above words will experience a feeling of discomfort.
When a word evokes an unpleasant or uncomfortable feeling from an individual, the word is sometimes said to "carry a negative emotional charge". Every word you speak, think or write carries an emotional charge-which is largely determined by the experiences and perspective of the listener/thinker/reader.
Writers are particularly aware of this. Just as visual artists use symbols, form and color to evoke or convey emotion, writers use things like word choice, punctuation and adjectives to evoke certain emotions from their readers-this is how they convey the meaning of the story-and keep people interested in reading their books!
When a person assigns a (most often negatively) charged word to a situation or thing, they are often said to be "judgmental"-and this is often vilified by the New Age Community.
Are they?
OF COURSE THEY ARE.
But is this necessarily a "bad" thing?
Of all the words in use in our language today, especially among those of the New Age Community, I feel that the word judgment carries the biggest negative charge of all. Many Spiritual Teachers teach that judgment is a by-product of the ego, and therefore is something that must be released in order to attain true enlightenment. Buddhist philosopher, Chogyam Trungpa had this to say;
"The attainment of enlightenment from the ego's point of view is extreme death".
While I agree that attachment (another no-no among the Non-deist philosophies) stems from the ego, and that judgment is a form of attachment , I think that the attachment that is inherent in being judgmental is more subtle than just the ego trying to perpetuate itself.
Let me explain.
With regard to our New Age friends, what you are really "attached" to here are the assumptions that;
1) A always represents B.
and, ironically
2) To have this point of view is always a bad thing.
But let's take another look at the nature of judgment.
Many of the day-to-day decisions made by our brains, based on the input of our senses, happen automatically-and far too fast for us to really register that a decision has been reached.
(Now, for those of you who adhere more strongly to dictionary definition may feel that this continual process does not really qualify as "judgment". But the thesaurus gives many equivalents to the word judgment, such as estimation, evaluation, decision and intelligence, which may be more acceptable to you, but still mean the same thing. This is a good example of a judgment-that judgment is an inappropriate word based on your beliefs. I'm not doing this to get under your skin, dear literal friends-but I am trying to make a point.)
So what this means is that a person is immersed in a constant stream of information that that comes from the outside stimulation, which, in turn, is interpreted by their senses and influenced by their own beliefs and perceptions-in other words, judgment. They do this many times a minute-even a decision as simple as "I will sit in this chair because I judge it sturdy enough to hold my weight" is a judgment.
Forming a preference is a judgment.
Making a decision is a judgment.
Expressing a desire is a judgment.
Taking a step is a judgment.
Being human means being judgmental. That's it. It's that simple.
So judgment is really not the issue here and has gotten a bad rap.
The problem comes, as I see it, when a particular word carries an emotional charge, and that causes us to attribute a value judgment (to deem better or worse with relation to something else) to it which evokes a reaction from you that does not serve you. That is the "attachment" that the Non-deist and New Age philosophies would have you avoid, not the word itself or even the meaning.
Our preferences are not what hold us back; it is the belief that our judgments make us a better or worse person than someone with a different judgment. It is also the fear that the opinion of those who assign us a negative value is somehow more valid than our own.
Judgment only becomes dangerous when it is used to shore up our own self-esteem or to undermine the self esteem of another.
So, what to do.....
The first step is to stop beating yourself and others up over doing what your very nature compels you to do.
The next step is to loosen the hold of our value judgments. This allows us to examine more closely the world around us. We are forced to examine each thing, in each moment without getting hung up on whether something is negative or positive-better or worse.
It simply is and is allowed to exist as it is-which, in my judgment, is pretty good. :)
Stupid.
Smelly.
Sickening.
Racist.
Disgusting.
Many of you who read the above words will experience a feeling of discomfort.
When a word evokes an unpleasant or uncomfortable feeling from an individual, the word is sometimes said to "carry a negative emotional charge". Every word you speak, think or write carries an emotional charge-which is largely determined by the experiences and perspective of the listener/thinker/reader.
Writers are particularly aware of this. Just as visual artists use symbols, form and color to evoke or convey emotion, writers use things like word choice, punctuation and adjectives to evoke certain emotions from their readers-this is how they convey the meaning of the story-and keep people interested in reading their books!
When a person assigns a (most often negatively) charged word to a situation or thing, they are often said to be "judgmental"-and this is often vilified by the New Age Community.
Are they?
OF COURSE THEY ARE.
But is this necessarily a "bad" thing?
Of all the words in use in our language today, especially among those of the New Age Community, I feel that the word judgment carries the biggest negative charge of all. Many Spiritual Teachers teach that judgment is a by-product of the ego, and therefore is something that must be released in order to attain true enlightenment. Buddhist philosopher, Chogyam Trungpa had this to say;
"The attainment of enlightenment from the ego's point of view is extreme death".
While I agree that attachment (another no-no among the Non-deist philosophies) stems from the ego, and that judgment is a form of attachment , I think that the attachment that is inherent in being judgmental is more subtle than just the ego trying to perpetuate itself.
Let me explain.
With regard to our New Age friends, what you are really "attached" to here are the assumptions that;
1) A always represents B.
and, ironically
2) To have this point of view is always a bad thing.
But let's take another look at the nature of judgment.
Many of the day-to-day decisions made by our brains, based on the input of our senses, happen automatically-and far too fast for us to really register that a decision has been reached.
(Now, for those of you who adhere more strongly to dictionary definition may feel that this continual process does not really qualify as "judgment". But the thesaurus gives many equivalents to the word judgment, such as estimation, evaluation, decision and intelligence, which may be more acceptable to you, but still mean the same thing. This is a good example of a judgment-that judgment is an inappropriate word based on your beliefs. I'm not doing this to get under your skin, dear literal friends-but I am trying to make a point.)
So what this means is that a person is immersed in a constant stream of information that that comes from the outside stimulation, which, in turn, is interpreted by their senses and influenced by their own beliefs and perceptions-in other words, judgment. They do this many times a minute-even a decision as simple as "I will sit in this chair because I judge it sturdy enough to hold my weight" is a judgment.
Forming a preference is a judgment.
Making a decision is a judgment.
Expressing a desire is a judgment.
Taking a step is a judgment.
Being human means being judgmental. That's it. It's that simple.
So judgment is really not the issue here and has gotten a bad rap.
The problem comes, as I see it, when a particular word carries an emotional charge, and that causes us to attribute a value judgment (to deem better or worse with relation to something else) to it which evokes a reaction from you that does not serve you. That is the "attachment" that the Non-deist and New Age philosophies would have you avoid, not the word itself or even the meaning.
Our preferences are not what hold us back; it is the belief that our judgments make us a better or worse person than someone with a different judgment. It is also the fear that the opinion of those who assign us a negative value is somehow more valid than our own.
Judgment only becomes dangerous when it is used to shore up our own self-esteem or to undermine the self esteem of another.
So, what to do.....
The first step is to stop beating yourself and others up over doing what your very nature compels you to do.
The next step is to loosen the hold of our value judgments. This allows us to examine more closely the world around us. We are forced to examine each thing, in each moment without getting hung up on whether something is negative or positive-better or worse.
It simply is and is allowed to exist as it is-which, in my judgment, is pretty good. :)
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
Stop Filling In The Blanks
Because the Ego is continuously fighting for survival to justify its existence, it takes it upon itself to know everything- even when there is no information with which to form an opinion. Its need to be in charge is so great that it supplies "facts" to make up for the unknown elements of a given situation.
In other words; it just makes stuff up.
We are all involved in a constantly evolving story-line of our own creating.
This week, I had a first-hand opportunity to see how this can wreak havoc with my life.
It began with a flat tire.
Well, not completely flat, but on its way to that state. The car, however, belonged to a friend of mine, and they informed me with a sense of utter certainty that someone had let the air out of the tire; and that this act was done in an attempt to "get back" at my friend for something.
Not that my friend "believed" someone had done this, but that someone had done it.
I took a look at the event, the realization that one tire was low on air, and decided that it didn't quite add up to evidence of a malicious act. Why did they just take some of the air out? Why did they only do this on one tire? Wouldn't someone who was being truly malicious want to cause the greatest amount of inconvenience to their victim? Wouldn't they let the air out of all the tires-or, at the very least let all the air out of one tire?
But my friend was already caught up in the natural progression of thought which went something like this:
If one was to assume that someone let some of the air out of one of the tires, then there had to be a reason why.
The reason why was obviously something negative. They were trying to "get back" at my friend. They were unfriendly people. They were making a political statement. They were ignorant. etc etc etc....
That led to my friend to feel disliked, unsafe and threatened.
Now, hold on here. We do not actually know what really happened. But the owner of the car went automatically to the negative. Is the preferred state of being to feel unsafe and threatened? No, that certainly does not serve me.
Then why do it?
Well, it seemed obvious to me.
There was no reason to do it.
Knowing that people around me often reflected my own beliefs, I decided to take a look at myself, and Goodness, what a mess I found!
Turns out, I do the same thing on many, many subjects. Someone didn't return a text because they must be mad at me. Someone offered me a gift in order to buy me off in some way. I didn't get asked to a place because my company is not as enjoyable as someone else's. Someone didn't like my Facebook Post, I'm not as good as other people who post and get "liked".
Sheesh!
To show you what I mean, I'll take a specific entry from my journal:
Situation:
Someone didn't return a text.
Old Thoughts:
They are mad at me. I've offended them somehow. Other people probably get their texts returned right away. I bet other people get lots of communication. I am being excluded. I am less worthy. Something is being hidden from me.
Of course, none of this made me feel good about anything, in fact, thoughts like this often just brought me to tears.
So I continued;
It COULD be they are simply busy.
Perhaps other people are getting the same treatment.
Perhaps they have not gotten my message.
Perhaps they do not know how to answer.
They don't like to text.
They are having some quiet time.
The phone is not working.
I DO NOT KNOW WHY AND THAT'S OK
I release the need to know WHY-and I no longer fill in these blanks. The event is neutral and even though I do not, at this time, see how it will work out positively, I accept that it will and leave it where it is. The Universe is working hard to send me what I desire. I'm getting a handle on this and as painful as it is to face, I'm proud that I have figured it out and I KNOW I have the strength to face it."
There could be any number of reasons, NONE of which pointed to anything negative about me or how I was being treated, but the point is not really to assign some specific meaning (though positive possibilities feel better than repeating the negative ones), it is to remember that there is no inherent pain in any given situation. They are all neutral. The meaning they have is what we assign to them. Our physical mind is not designed to know and understand every little detail so stop forcing it to do something it isn't designed to do.
I went through my present thoughts and did a process like the above for every instance where I realized I was filling in the blanks for something I didn't know.
Even if you don't believe, as I do, that Reality is directed by your thoughts and vibration, why would you choose to suffer those negative thoughts before you really, REALLY have a reason?
And if you do agree with me about the nature of Reality, then you can see how putting out a vibe of negative expectation just causes those expectations to be realized.
Your mind is designed to take account of how things are happen-ING, NOT to determine how something happened or will happen. It is a great, in-the-moment interpreter, and that's all it's supposed to be. It functions best when we are in the present moment and there are many systems of belief that say the same thing.
Have faith that things happen for a reason, but don't knock yourself out or worse-make yourself cry, wondering what that reason is. Just remember that when the time comes for you to know, and it will, that everything will become clear; and that reason will always turn out to be the very best for you.
Whatever the actual reason behind the low tire, from my perspective it happened to bring another layer of myself to my attention so that it could be healed-and that turned out to be a very good thing.
In other words; it just makes stuff up.
We are all involved in a constantly evolving story-line of our own creating.
This week, I had a first-hand opportunity to see how this can wreak havoc with my life.
It began with a flat tire.
Well, not completely flat, but on its way to that state. The car, however, belonged to a friend of mine, and they informed me with a sense of utter certainty that someone had let the air out of the tire; and that this act was done in an attempt to "get back" at my friend for something.
Not that my friend "believed" someone had done this, but that someone had done it.
I took a look at the event, the realization that one tire was low on air, and decided that it didn't quite add up to evidence of a malicious act. Why did they just take some of the air out? Why did they only do this on one tire? Wouldn't someone who was being truly malicious want to cause the greatest amount of inconvenience to their victim? Wouldn't they let the air out of all the tires-or, at the very least let all the air out of one tire?
But my friend was already caught up in the natural progression of thought which went something like this:
If one was to assume that someone let some of the air out of one of the tires, then there had to be a reason why.
The reason why was obviously something negative. They were trying to "get back" at my friend. They were unfriendly people. They were making a political statement. They were ignorant. etc etc etc....
That led to my friend to feel disliked, unsafe and threatened.
Now, hold on here. We do not actually know what really happened. But the owner of the car went automatically to the negative. Is the preferred state of being to feel unsafe and threatened? No, that certainly does not serve me.
Then why do it?
Well, it seemed obvious to me.
There was no reason to do it.
Knowing that people around me often reflected my own beliefs, I decided to take a look at myself, and Goodness, what a mess I found!
Turns out, I do the same thing on many, many subjects. Someone didn't return a text because they must be mad at me. Someone offered me a gift in order to buy me off in some way. I didn't get asked to a place because my company is not as enjoyable as someone else's. Someone didn't like my Facebook Post, I'm not as good as other people who post and get "liked".
Sheesh!
To show you what I mean, I'll take a specific entry from my journal:
Situation:
Someone didn't return a text.
Old Thoughts:
They are mad at me. I've offended them somehow. Other people probably get their texts returned right away. I bet other people get lots of communication. I am being excluded. I am less worthy. Something is being hidden from me.
Of course, none of this made me feel good about anything, in fact, thoughts like this often just brought me to tears.
So I continued;
It COULD be they are simply busy.
Perhaps other people are getting the same treatment.
Perhaps they have not gotten my message.
Perhaps they do not know how to answer.
They don't like to text.
They are having some quiet time.
The phone is not working.
I DO NOT KNOW WHY AND THAT'S OK
I release the need to know WHY-and I no longer fill in these blanks. The event is neutral and even though I do not, at this time, see how it will work out positively, I accept that it will and leave it where it is. The Universe is working hard to send me what I desire. I'm getting a handle on this and as painful as it is to face, I'm proud that I have figured it out and I KNOW I have the strength to face it."
There could be any number of reasons, NONE of which pointed to anything negative about me or how I was being treated, but the point is not really to assign some specific meaning (though positive possibilities feel better than repeating the negative ones), it is to remember that there is no inherent pain in any given situation. They are all neutral. The meaning they have is what we assign to them. Our physical mind is not designed to know and understand every little detail so stop forcing it to do something it isn't designed to do.
I went through my present thoughts and did a process like the above for every instance where I realized I was filling in the blanks for something I didn't know.
Even if you don't believe, as I do, that Reality is directed by your thoughts and vibration, why would you choose to suffer those negative thoughts before you really, REALLY have a reason?
And if you do agree with me about the nature of Reality, then you can see how putting out a vibe of negative expectation just causes those expectations to be realized.
Your mind is designed to take account of how things are happen-ING, NOT to determine how something happened or will happen. It is a great, in-the-moment interpreter, and that's all it's supposed to be. It functions best when we are in the present moment and there are many systems of belief that say the same thing.
Have faith that things happen for a reason, but don't knock yourself out or worse-make yourself cry, wondering what that reason is. Just remember that when the time comes for you to know, and it will, that everything will become clear; and that reason will always turn out to be the very best for you.
Whatever the actual reason behind the low tire, from my perspective it happened to bring another layer of myself to my attention so that it could be healed-and that turned out to be a very good thing.
Sunday, May 05, 2013
"What Is This World Coming To?"
This is a question that someone recently asked of me.
"I can answer that, but you won't like it.", I said.
"Tell me anyway.", they said.
OK...here goes.
In recent times, it seems that there has been an increase in unpleasant happenings. We look at the news coming from Boston (my home town) and other places, and at first glance it looks as though the state of the world is going down the drain.
Now pay attention to what I said; "AT FIRST GLANCE".
But think.
Many of you know and understand that we are in the midst of a global shift in consciousness. But what some don't realize is that in order for this shift to occur, there has to be a motivation. In other words, every improvement in the world that has ever taken place has happened because someone recognized a thing or situation that they did not prefer and focused on an improved version of it.
"But why so much?" you ask...
Well, in order for someone to care about changing the unwanted thing, it must be relevant to their lives. Of course what happens to Boston is relevant to Bostonians, but is it relevant to those living in Michigan? Is what happens in Michigan relevant to Californians?
Not so much.
So, in order for the entire world to shift the way in which they view reality there must be events that provide the inspiration in many different areas and on many different levels. And, since time is speeding up (actually it only appears that way but more on that in another post), it appears that these negative incidents are happening more frequently.
The important thing here is to focus on HOW we are dealing with these events.
Do we choose to focus on blame and revenge? Do we responded by promoting fear-based programming and become fearful ourselves?
For my part, I chose to look at the recent events in Boston and made the decision to see the larger picture.
It was a picture which illustrated the process of the unwanted giving rise to the wanted. In other words, I was able to understand that it was exactly this type of event that makes possible the tremendously powerful coming together of peoples looking to create something better. It was a strange feeling-this thought that , on some level, I might feel some form of gratitude to those who had caused so much suffering; but when I understood that I had been given an opportunity to learn more about compassion if I so chose, I learned to appreciate the lesson.
I try to look at all episodes of negativity this way. Perhaps I'm just noticing it more because it has been such a focus for me, but during this global shift I'm finding that more and more often others have followed suit.
By doing this, there is no negative situation that cannot give birth to something positive.
Violent episodes, like the one in Boston, have no meaning aside from the meaning we assign to it. What we take from the experience becomes more important than the experience itself.
So..."what is this world coming to?"
I, for one, am pretty optimistic. :)
"I can answer that, but you won't like it.", I said.
"Tell me anyway.", they said.
OK...here goes.
In recent times, it seems that there has been an increase in unpleasant happenings. We look at the news coming from Boston (my home town) and other places, and at first glance it looks as though the state of the world is going down the drain.
Now pay attention to what I said; "AT FIRST GLANCE".
But think.
Many of you know and understand that we are in the midst of a global shift in consciousness. But what some don't realize is that in order for this shift to occur, there has to be a motivation. In other words, every improvement in the world that has ever taken place has happened because someone recognized a thing or situation that they did not prefer and focused on an improved version of it.
"But why so much?" you ask...
Well, in order for someone to care about changing the unwanted thing, it must be relevant to their lives. Of course what happens to Boston is relevant to Bostonians, but is it relevant to those living in Michigan? Is what happens in Michigan relevant to Californians?
Not so much.
So, in order for the entire world to shift the way in which they view reality there must be events that provide the inspiration in many different areas and on many different levels. And, since time is speeding up (actually it only appears that way but more on that in another post), it appears that these negative incidents are happening more frequently.
The important thing here is to focus on HOW we are dealing with these events.
Do we choose to focus on blame and revenge? Do we responded by promoting fear-based programming and become fearful ourselves?
For my part, I chose to look at the recent events in Boston and made the decision to see the larger picture.
It was a picture which illustrated the process of the unwanted giving rise to the wanted. In other words, I was able to understand that it was exactly this type of event that makes possible the tremendously powerful coming together of peoples looking to create something better. It was a strange feeling-this thought that , on some level, I might feel some form of gratitude to those who had caused so much suffering; but when I understood that I had been given an opportunity to learn more about compassion if I so chose, I learned to appreciate the lesson.
I try to look at all episodes of negativity this way. Perhaps I'm just noticing it more because it has been such a focus for me, but during this global shift I'm finding that more and more often others have followed suit.
By doing this, there is no negative situation that cannot give birth to something positive.
Violent episodes, like the one in Boston, have no meaning aside from the meaning we assign to it. What we take from the experience becomes more important than the experience itself.
So..."what is this world coming to?"
I, for one, am pretty optimistic. :)
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Tell Yourself What You Want To Hear; An Exercise
Continuing the theme of letting people know more about the kinds of things I still struggle with; I have to admit that sometimes, I look to outside sources for validation.
Bad Shaman!
Even a lot of people who don't study this stuff know (most of the time) that our happiness has to come from inside of us.
The Universe does not supply you with happiness, it only reflects the happiness that you find already within yourself.
Consider the Bible, Luke 17:21, "nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you."
Or this one;
"All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, We make our world." - Buddha
They are both saying the same thing.
Well, the Universe is a pretty literal place and so if you think that you're not happy because you lack something from the outside, the All-That-Is will take that as a statement of fact and-poof!-you will exist as NOT HAPPY and LACKING something from the outside!
This may sound counter-intuitive to many of you but the ancient Wisdom understood that what you see as "reality" is really only a mirror of what is inside of you. Instead of looking to others to tell you what you want to hear to make you happy, tell yourself. Tell yourself enough times that you believe it because the only person's recognition you need is your own. If you don't believe in yourself, you may find temporary validation outside-say, via a lover or a family member, but it won't last and it will never be enough.
I know this. And yet, I still find myself wanting my friends, or family, or Lover to be proud of me. I want them to tell me all the nifty little things I want to hear, and I still fool myself into believing that I'll be happy when I hear them. And I still catch myself comparing myself to others and thinking "I'd be happy, if only...".
So...
I happened to mention all this to someone, wondering about how to reach inside myself and pull out these feelings and his reply was,
"What do you want to hear?"
So I thought about that, and wrote it in my journal.
I started with "I love you." (that seemed as good a place as any to start)
But the phrase "I love you" sounds a bit silly when you say it to yourself, and it was still something that I thought of someone else saying to me. So I rewrote it. "I love me". That seemed a little closer but still "outside myself" so I brought it in a little closer.
"I am worthy of love."
Now I thought I was on the right track. That didn't depend on anyone else to provide something for me.
So I ran with it.
(Inside comment) "I am worthy of Love."
(outside comment) "People show that they love me every day."
(Inside comment) "I experience love every day."
(outside comment) "I enjoy being loved."
(inside comment) "I enjoy loving."
(outside comment) "People love me the way I want to be loved."
(inside comment) "I am loved the way I want to be loved"
And I alternated back and forth, taking a moment to feel the energy of each phrase and how it differed from inside to outside. (here's a hint; the outside comments made a tightness in my chest and the inside comments tended to create an expansive, relaxed feeling)
It may be different for you.
I ended that list when I felt I was straining to come up with things and moved onto the next phrase.
"I'm proud of you."
"I'm proud of me."
"I'm proud of who I am."
(outside) "I like it when people are proud of me."
(inside) "I take pride in what I do."
(outside) "I work hard to satisfy others."
(inside) "I experience satisfaction for a job well done."
I admit, this was a short list, but it was a start-and I'm proud of myself :)
The last one I worked on today was, "You make me happy."
"I make me happy."
(inside) "I choose to be happy."
(outside) "I have reasons to be happy all around me."
(inside) "I deserve to be happy."
(outside) "I know the Universe wants me to be happy."
(inside) "I accept happiness."
(inside) "My natural state is to be happy."
What do you do with a list like this?
Well....
A belief is just a habit of thought-a thought you keep thinking. Once a thought becomes a habit, it becomes a belief.
Let me take a second to clarify something. We can know something is irrational when we think it-we know it isn't really a "belief"-but all thoughts carry vibrations and a negative thought that you keep thinking puts out vibrations too. So for the purposes of this post I'm treating them as beliefs because they will also cause reflections in the world around you even though intellectually you may understand that it's just a recurring thought.
This is just a way to "fine tune" your thoughts. There is really no difference between inside or outside thoughts other than your outside thoughts are more dependent on forces which are perceived as coming from a source that is outside of (i.e. NOT) yourself. (Many Shamans refer to this as "giving away your power" because it puts the results you want in the hands of others.) But if this is where you start until you figure out what works best for you, then so be it. There is still a LOT of value in finding things in your reality to appreciate, Love, experience, etc. even if they are in your environment.
So...
I said what I had to say; expression makes me happy, happiness is my natural state.
Nothing else matters.
:)
Writing From the Bottom of the Barrel
I don't consider it a complement when people tell me that I make Spiritual growth "look easy".
Here's why.
It's because it isn't.
And if someone looks to me, and thinks I'm having an easy time of it all, they begin to worry that there's something wrong with themselves if they are having problems.
So...
I made a mistake today. It was a tiny thing, I was visiting a friend, and I put something in the wrong spot, and the other person involved approached me and explained gently what the issue was, why it was that way, and asked me to do something else. He wasn't angry. He wasn't hateful. He didn't beat up on me about it.
He didn't have to.
Because I spend the next two hours beating up on myself enough for the both of us, and everyone else on the block (and their pets-and possibly their plants as well.). You know how that works; you're embarrased over what happens so you get mad at yourself. But NO! I'm a Spiritual Being! I forgive, and accept and, and and-!!
"And" nothing-you're mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself.
And I didn't stop there.
I went on to tell myself that I was somehow less competent than other people who seemed to "get it". That I would never "get it". I wasn't as good as they were. I was useless, I never did anything right, I didn't deserve to have a happy life because I was just so plain stupid. Why couldn't I make this work? (Oh, I had an answer to that, too.)
I just wasn't meant to be happy.
What a vicious cycle.
Sound familiar?
So, back to it "being easy"...
When I first began to study Shamanism about 14 years ago, and through that the odd mix of Spiritual views I practise now, I began with simply noticing what thoughts were dominant in my mind. I didn't try to change them, I just noticed them. I was reading a book called "Urban Shaman" by Serge Kahili King at the time, and that was what the book listed as the "first step". Just taking a step back and looking without judgement at what that voice in your head was telling you-and how often it spoke.
What you might not understand here is that, in the beginning it was happening virtually 24/7. I mean, ALL THE TIME. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was one, non-stop tirade of negative down-talk. I was certainly starting from a point at which is wasn't possible to sink any lower.
13 YEARS later, it still happens.
Not nearly as often, thank goodness-but when it does, it's still brings me to my knees.
So, don't feel too bad.
Obviously, I still struggle.
I wrote 6 pages in my journal today while I worked through that mistake.
Mistake? Well...let's look at it another way.
There are no mistakes.
What happened alerted me to something that I did not like. With some pondering I was able to glean from that what my preferences were. Once I did that, I had something to aim for-the feeling of what it would be like to have what I wanted. What a wonderful key I was given-and I might not have discovered this if I hadn't had this experience. So...was it a "mistake"?
I don't think so.
You shouldn't either. :)
Sure, for the three or so hours I spent wrestling with it-let's face it-it SUCKED.
But though it may sting a little, we can all choose to focus on what we learn.
Eventually, that's all we'll remember.
Here's why.
It's because it isn't.
And if someone looks to me, and thinks I'm having an easy time of it all, they begin to worry that there's something wrong with themselves if they are having problems.
So...
I made a mistake today. It was a tiny thing, I was visiting a friend, and I put something in the wrong spot, and the other person involved approached me and explained gently what the issue was, why it was that way, and asked me to do something else. He wasn't angry. He wasn't hateful. He didn't beat up on me about it.
He didn't have to.
Because I spend the next two hours beating up on myself enough for the both of us, and everyone else on the block (and their pets-and possibly their plants as well.). You know how that works; you're embarrased over what happens so you get mad at yourself. But NO! I'm a Spiritual Being! I forgive, and accept and, and and-!!
"And" nothing-you're mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself.
And I didn't stop there.
I went on to tell myself that I was somehow less competent than other people who seemed to "get it". That I would never "get it". I wasn't as good as they were. I was useless, I never did anything right, I didn't deserve to have a happy life because I was just so plain stupid. Why couldn't I make this work? (Oh, I had an answer to that, too.)
I just wasn't meant to be happy.
What a vicious cycle.
Sound familiar?
So, back to it "being easy"...
When I first began to study Shamanism about 14 years ago, and through that the odd mix of Spiritual views I practise now, I began with simply noticing what thoughts were dominant in my mind. I didn't try to change them, I just noticed them. I was reading a book called "Urban Shaman" by Serge Kahili King at the time, and that was what the book listed as the "first step". Just taking a step back and looking without judgement at what that voice in your head was telling you-and how often it spoke.
What you might not understand here is that, in the beginning it was happening virtually 24/7. I mean, ALL THE TIME. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was one, non-stop tirade of negative down-talk. I was certainly starting from a point at which is wasn't possible to sink any lower.
13 YEARS later, it still happens.
Not nearly as often, thank goodness-but when it does, it's still brings me to my knees.
So, don't feel too bad.
Obviously, I still struggle.
I wrote 6 pages in my journal today while I worked through that mistake.
Mistake? Well...let's look at it another way.
There are no mistakes.
What happened alerted me to something that I did not like. With some pondering I was able to glean from that what my preferences were. Once I did that, I had something to aim for-the feeling of what it would be like to have what I wanted. What a wonderful key I was given-and I might not have discovered this if I hadn't had this experience. So...was it a "mistake"?
I don't think so.
You shouldn't either. :)
Sure, for the three or so hours I spent wrestling with it-let's face it-it SUCKED.
But though it may sting a little, we can all choose to focus on what we learn.
Eventually, that's all we'll remember.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The Eggs
The Eggs
There was a boy who was employed to carry eggs from the chicken coops at one end of a farm to the farmer's wife in her kitchen at the other end. As the chickens laid eggs very slowly, he decided that it would be best to transport the eggs one at a time. And so whenever a chicken laid an egg, the boy put the egg in his basket and took it to the farmer.s wife.
He went on quite well until, one day, he stumbled on a rock. The egg rolled out of the basket, onto the ground and broke. The boy picked up all the broken pieces of shell, scooped up the gooey insides along with the dirt they had fallen on and put it all back in his basket. Then he went back to wait for the chickens to lay the next egg.
Unfortunately, the broken eggshells took up a lot of room in the basket and so the boy had to balance the next egg on top of the pile. Sure enough, the new egg slipped out of the basket before he reached the farmer's wife. So again, he picked up all the eggshells, scooped up all the other stuff and put it all back in his basket. Luckily, the chickens had laid another egg and so he carefully placed the egg on top of the pile and went on his way.
This time he walked veeeeerrrrry slooooowwwwly and carefully and he made it all the way into the yard by the kitchen door before the egg tumbled to the ground. By this time the poor boy was quite upset and he began to cry very loudly. So loudly, that the farmer's wife came outside and asked the boy what the matter was.
"I was carrying an egg to you but it broke" he said, "so I put all the pieces back in the basket and went back for more eggs. They all broke too." So I had to go back again, and again but by this time my basket was so full of eggshells and egg-insides that every egg I put in there fell out." and he sniffled and wiped away a tear.
"Oh dear",. said the farmer's wife. "This wont do at all."
So she emptied the basket full of egg into the slops heap for the pigs, and wiped it clean with the corner of her apron. Then, she handed the basket back to the boy.
"There, there now, don't feel bad dear.", she smiled. "You see that even your broken eggs had a use, and your basket is now clean enough to fit more of the perfect ones."
The boy thanked her very much and left for the chicken coops again with his clean, empty basket. Along the way, he sang a little song:
"Out with the old to make room for the new!
That's how I work, and you should too!
Else you end up with egg on you!"
The moral of the story is more than "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
When we make a mistake, many of us gather up the pieces of that mistake and carry them with us. The problem is that filling ourselves up with the remnants of past mistakes by bringing them up over and over again leaves us little room in our "baskets" for new experiences. Best to admit to the mistake, let it go and move on. If we find a way to make use of what we've learned then so much the better!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Are you? Am I?
Someone on a dating site recently told me that I was “Emotionally Unavailable” because of the way I worded my profile.
Specifically, he took issue with my identification as “monogamous” and “seeing someone” relative to the fact that I still had a profile on the site in the first place. He said that by maintaining an active profile, I was doing nothing more than “setting up other men for eventual disappointment when they find that they can not occupy a place in (my) your emotions”
This guy has no idea who I am, and so this kind of pissed me off. But he struck a nerve-and after my shock at the strength my own reaction, I took another look at myself.
Was it true?
My partner (for lack of a better choice of labels) is not monogamous, and I accept him completely and without reservation.
Being monogamous myself, this means I get challenged emotionally.
A Lot.
It’s not easy to be brave, or to stay positive; and sometimes frankly I get frustrated. Sure, I could conceivably go searching for someone who thought exactly the way I do. Perhaps I’d even find him, and maybe it would be pleasant. Add that to the other issues involved in living my life-financial, health, and emotional woes included, and maybe it *would* be easier to function by shutting down completely.
But I don’t.
I asked myself “What would it be like to have an easy life?”
And my immediate thought was; “But where’s the growth in that?”
Where’s.
The.
Growth.
In.
That.
I chose this relationship, as I’ve chosen many other things in my life, in part for the growth it provides. I choose because I see and understand that there are many different ways of living a life. From his comment, I see that “Mr. Unavailable” sees things in more rigid terms. If A is correct, then B is incorrect-so to speak. There is nothing really wrong with that, but I have a different perspective where both A and B are correct, nothing is really exclusive.
I’ll be the first one to admit that monogamous and non-monogamous creates an unusual pairing. My partner and I catch static from both sides. It takes some work. In order to communicate my needs to someone who is occasionally focused elsewhere, I need to be in touch with my own feelings. I need to know what stems from a situation and what might be concerned more with some insecurity on my part. I need to be alert and sensitive to his signals when perhaps more space is needed. I need to be adept at identifying the thought patterns that do not serve me, and finding the things that I really enjoy doing to stay centered.
In other words, in order to function on all these levels it is absolutely essential that I remain aware and open emotionally
I have to have the strength to realize who I am and admit it, even though it might be more comforting to bow to outside pressure, or fool myself into believing that I’m something I’m not. And I see my partner for who he is, though it may be tempting to soothe myself with the thought and false hope that somehow I could “change” him.
Sure, I’m scared. I could get hurt. But I’m learning as I go. So is he.
So far, so good.
So, you see, Mr. “Emotionally Unavailable”, I understand where you are coming from. I understand that your comment was an expression of fear-nobody wants to get hurt. And hopefully now you see that my profile here is less of an attempt to “set people up for failure” and more of a testament to my belief in the value of all individuals to add to a life-even if it’s not sexually.
It’s not easy, but I do it and have faith that whatever happens will be for the best.
Can’t be more open than that.
Specifically, he took issue with my identification as “monogamous” and “seeing someone” relative to the fact that I still had a profile on the site in the first place. He said that by maintaining an active profile, I was doing nothing more than “setting up other men for eventual disappointment when they find that they can not occupy a place in (my) your emotions”
This guy has no idea who I am, and so this kind of pissed me off. But he struck a nerve-and after my shock at the strength my own reaction, I took another look at myself.
Was it true?
My partner (for lack of a better choice of labels) is not monogamous, and I accept him completely and without reservation.
Being monogamous myself, this means I get challenged emotionally.
A Lot.
It’s not easy to be brave, or to stay positive; and sometimes frankly I get frustrated. Sure, I could conceivably go searching for someone who thought exactly the way I do. Perhaps I’d even find him, and maybe it would be pleasant. Add that to the other issues involved in living my life-financial, health, and emotional woes included, and maybe it *would* be easier to function by shutting down completely.
But I don’t.
I asked myself “What would it be like to have an easy life?”
And my immediate thought was; “But where’s the growth in that?”
Where’s.
The.
Growth.
In.
That.
I chose this relationship, as I’ve chosen many other things in my life, in part for the growth it provides. I choose because I see and understand that there are many different ways of living a life. From his comment, I see that “Mr. Unavailable” sees things in more rigid terms. If A is correct, then B is incorrect-so to speak. There is nothing really wrong with that, but I have a different perspective where both A and B are correct, nothing is really exclusive.
I’ll be the first one to admit that monogamous and non-monogamous creates an unusual pairing. My partner and I catch static from both sides. It takes some work. In order to communicate my needs to someone who is occasionally focused elsewhere, I need to be in touch with my own feelings. I need to know what stems from a situation and what might be concerned more with some insecurity on my part. I need to be alert and sensitive to his signals when perhaps more space is needed. I need to be adept at identifying the thought patterns that do not serve me, and finding the things that I really enjoy doing to stay centered.
In other words, in order to function on all these levels it is absolutely essential that I remain aware and open emotionally
I have to have the strength to realize who I am and admit it, even though it might be more comforting to bow to outside pressure, or fool myself into believing that I’m something I’m not. And I see my partner for who he is, though it may be tempting to soothe myself with the thought and false hope that somehow I could “change” him.
Sure, I’m scared. I could get hurt. But I’m learning as I go. So is he.
So far, so good.
So, you see, Mr. “Emotionally Unavailable”, I understand where you are coming from. I understand that your comment was an expression of fear-nobody wants to get hurt. And hopefully now you see that my profile here is less of an attempt to “set people up for failure” and more of a testament to my belief in the value of all individuals to add to a life-even if it’s not sexually.
It’s not easy, but I do it and have faith that whatever happens will be for the best.
Can’t be more open than that.
Monday, January 14, 2013
On Being Selfish
"The more you wake up in Life, the more you
realize that 'selfish' isn't the negative word you thought it was. You
are A Universe of 1; complete, self-contained and infinite. Since
everything you see in your world is a reflection of you, the only thing
you can do is focus on your own happiness and you will see that
happiness reflected back to you in the form of the people and situations
around you. So being "selfish" is the first step in helping 'The
World' to be at its very best. "
-Grace Gemini
-Grace Gemini
Saturday, January 12, 2013
What Good May Come Of It-A Father's Legacy
There is no delicate way of saying this.
My father was a crook.
And a recent reunion of 3 of his 6 children from 5 different mothers sparked a conversation about his life and how sad it was that such an apparently brilliant man wasted his intelligence and skills on a life of crime.
As a Shaman, I appreciate the lessons that we come to this Earth to learn when it comes to the larger picture. I understand that, in Spiritual terms, my father's existence provides lessons and experiences that are unique to his children and what we do with those lessons helps us to realize who we are. For that, at least, I am forever grateful to the man and his spirit for being there to teach me that.
Yeah.
Sure.
Right.
;)
But it seemed, on another, more "Earthy" and In-Your-Face level, to be such a sad waste of talent and potential for him to have gone the way he did. My awareness of the "bigger picture" did little to soothe the hurt feelings of the 3 year old child inside me who became aware that there was something "different" about my history with respect to other children. What my family avoided speaking about told me much more than the short, terse answers I got when I was old enough to start asking difficult questions. It's hard not to assume that this somehow reflects on your worth as a person; especially for a child.
The mothers of his children have a particular point of view concerning their experiences with my father, and their opinions are, shall we say, less than complementary.
Before I met these men, my brothers, I was resigned to incorporate this vibration into my own being, and thought I had made peace with it all. But as we chatted easily together, it became apparent that there might be a connection that transcended the common pain and chaos our father had caused for each of us. As we exchanged the bits of knowledge that we had, and discovered more about this man, we slowly discovered things about each other that provided a different picture.
From my brother Joe, I learned that my father painted and had considered attending art school at one time. Painting is a skill I discovered for myself only recently- it surprised me more than anyone, but it made sense to me that somehow I may have inherited this unknown talent in part from my father.
From my brother James, we learned that my father had studied law and became a paralegal while still incarcerated. My brother James certainly inherited this practical intelligence and became a successful businessman who left a steady job to strike out on his own. In the middle of a recession, he used his skills and knowledge as an engineer to build his own branch of an international company. He had the flexibility to accept and appreciate his two sons for the exceptional individuals they are, and they have flourished.
Out of the 6 of us, Joe spent the longest time with our father in his life, and though he had more of a negative example, he turned it around and took away important lessons concerning family and responsibility. He works hard providing for his 3 daughters in a way that our father never did. He channeled his anger into martial arts, and is still well-remembered in relevant circles as a talented Thai Kick-boxer and instructor. Joe balanced his physical existence with a deeply Spiritual side. He takes pride in that, and so do the rest of us.
Though I do not know them as well, I can see that my father's legacy was not limited to the three of us. My sister Marjory has a sense of aesthetic that rivals the most experienced interior designer. She built a beautiful home for her family.
My sister Alicia, however, inherited our father's temper. But, instead of turning those feelings into negative actions, she developed a sense of justice and outspokenness that we all admired. Unfortunately, she passed away before I could meet her in person, but we did speak often by phone. We both worked hard to put ourselves through school and we shared stories about those challenges. Of all of us, it was Alicia who was able to stand up to our father and tell him in no uncertain terms just what she thought of him. And though we may have cringed a little on the outside when she did it, inside we were all cheering her on for doing what we all wish we had the guts to do for ourselves.
Of the 6, I know the least about George, who lives a quiet life in the mid-west with his wife and children. He doesn't seem to feel the need to put what happened in perspective, nor does he seem to spend a lot of time soul-searching and sharing his experiences with the rest of his siblings. Maybe our father, who was a poor Cuban immigrant, did what he did on some level in order to fit in with his ideal of the rich, successful American. Of course, what we do, we do because we think that it will make us happy, and it seems that, out of all of us, George has come the closest to realizing the kind of life that our father wanted. George seems happy. Without the glamor, without the glitz and showy possessions; he is happy.
Perhaps that's the greatest gift of all.
Looking at all of us through the lens of greater understanding, my brothers James and Joe and I realized that our father's life may not have been as much of a waste as we had thought. Though there are many holes in the story that may never be filled in, we know that in terms of his children at least, there was a positive outcome to my father's existence.
I can know who I am, and be proud of who I am. Partially because of it all, and admittedly partially in spite of it all-but nonetheless; proud of all of who I am; the negative and the positive.
And I have a great family.
I've said that before.
But until now I've never been able to say this;
Thanks, Dad.
My father was a crook.
And a recent reunion of 3 of his 6 children from 5 different mothers sparked a conversation about his life and how sad it was that such an apparently brilliant man wasted his intelligence and skills on a life of crime.
As a Shaman, I appreciate the lessons that we come to this Earth to learn when it comes to the larger picture. I understand that, in Spiritual terms, my father's existence provides lessons and experiences that are unique to his children and what we do with those lessons helps us to realize who we are. For that, at least, I am forever grateful to the man and his spirit for being there to teach me that.
Yeah.
Sure.
Right.
;)
But it seemed, on another, more "Earthy" and In-Your-Face level, to be such a sad waste of talent and potential for him to have gone the way he did. My awareness of the "bigger picture" did little to soothe the hurt feelings of the 3 year old child inside me who became aware that there was something "different" about my history with respect to other children. What my family avoided speaking about told me much more than the short, terse answers I got when I was old enough to start asking difficult questions. It's hard not to assume that this somehow reflects on your worth as a person; especially for a child.
The mothers of his children have a particular point of view concerning their experiences with my father, and their opinions are, shall we say, less than complementary.
Before I met these men, my brothers, I was resigned to incorporate this vibration into my own being, and thought I had made peace with it all. But as we chatted easily together, it became apparent that there might be a connection that transcended the common pain and chaos our father had caused for each of us. As we exchanged the bits of knowledge that we had, and discovered more about this man, we slowly discovered things about each other that provided a different picture.
From my brother Joe, I learned that my father painted and had considered attending art school at one time. Painting is a skill I discovered for myself only recently- it surprised me more than anyone, but it made sense to me that somehow I may have inherited this unknown talent in part from my father.
From my brother James, we learned that my father had studied law and became a paralegal while still incarcerated. My brother James certainly inherited this practical intelligence and became a successful businessman who left a steady job to strike out on his own. In the middle of a recession, he used his skills and knowledge as an engineer to build his own branch of an international company. He had the flexibility to accept and appreciate his two sons for the exceptional individuals they are, and they have flourished.
Out of the 6 of us, Joe spent the longest time with our father in his life, and though he had more of a negative example, he turned it around and took away important lessons concerning family and responsibility. He works hard providing for his 3 daughters in a way that our father never did. He channeled his anger into martial arts, and is still well-remembered in relevant circles as a talented Thai Kick-boxer and instructor. Joe balanced his physical existence with a deeply Spiritual side. He takes pride in that, and so do the rest of us.
Though I do not know them as well, I can see that my father's legacy was not limited to the three of us. My sister Marjory has a sense of aesthetic that rivals the most experienced interior designer. She built a beautiful home for her family.
My sister Alicia, however, inherited our father's temper. But, instead of turning those feelings into negative actions, she developed a sense of justice and outspokenness that we all admired. Unfortunately, she passed away before I could meet her in person, but we did speak often by phone. We both worked hard to put ourselves through school and we shared stories about those challenges. Of all of us, it was Alicia who was able to stand up to our father and tell him in no uncertain terms just what she thought of him. And though we may have cringed a little on the outside when she did it, inside we were all cheering her on for doing what we all wish we had the guts to do for ourselves.
Of the 6, I know the least about George, who lives a quiet life in the mid-west with his wife and children. He doesn't seem to feel the need to put what happened in perspective, nor does he seem to spend a lot of time soul-searching and sharing his experiences with the rest of his siblings. Maybe our father, who was a poor Cuban immigrant, did what he did on some level in order to fit in with his ideal of the rich, successful American. Of course, what we do, we do because we think that it will make us happy, and it seems that, out of all of us, George has come the closest to realizing the kind of life that our father wanted. George seems happy. Without the glamor, without the glitz and showy possessions; he is happy.
Perhaps that's the greatest gift of all.
Looking at all of us through the lens of greater understanding, my brothers James and Joe and I realized that our father's life may not have been as much of a waste as we had thought. Though there are many holes in the story that may never be filled in, we know that in terms of his children at least, there was a positive outcome to my father's existence.
I can know who I am, and be proud of who I am. Partially because of it all, and admittedly partially in spite of it all-but nonetheless; proud of all of who I am; the negative and the positive.
And I have a great family.
I've said that before.
But until now I've never been able to say this;
Thanks, Dad.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
The Gift. Happy Holiday's To All
An older story, but still relevant. I hope you Enjoy it!
A little boy sat on the living room floor with legs crossed, deep in thought.
Colorful scraps of paper, glittering confetti and curling ribbon attached to pieces of Scotch tape lay crumpled and strewn in chaotic piles around his knees. He stretched out a slippered foot and sullenly kicked at a bit of the stuff, turning it
over with his toes. The call of discarded wrapping paper shown red, green and gold. It glimmered cheerily in the lights of the tree and the fireplace, but did nothing to brighten his mood.
Another happily squashed wad of paper landed nearby and the boy looked up to the source of the litter. All the other family members had already opened their presents, and how it was his mother's turn.
"Oh John! It's Beautiful!" she exclaimed with delight. "I have wanted something like this for just the longest time!" She held the box in her hands, lovingly pulled out the expensive bracelet inside and held out her arm to her husband who was
sitting next to her on the couch. "Put it on me, wont you dear?"
The diamonds winked and twinkled on her wrist as her hands moved across the various boxes and packages still arranged in neat piles within easy reach. One by one the festive wrappings were torn away to reveal their wondrous contents. There was a big, fluffy bathrobe with matching slippers in just that shade of blue that matched mother's eyes from sister Amanda. They sat on the boxes of matching note-cards, pen and address book from Grandma which were covered in pansies; his mother's favorite flower.
There were pearl earrings from Aunt Julia, and a new, fine leather brief case from brother Jim. At last there were only two items left. The woman smiled as she reached for a tall, square package; this one wrapped neatly in silver paper covered in blue stars. The box was topped with a loopy blue and silver ribbon so huge that it nearly covered the entire top of the box. The whole family oooooohed and ahhhhed over the magnificent wrapping; but that was nothing compared to their reaction when the box was opened. Inside the beautiful paper, swaddled in confetti and bubble-wrap, was a china plate.
This was not just any porcelain plate, but a very expensive and delicate one. It had cranes painted on it. Oriental ladies fanned themselves and strolled under blossoming cherry trees, across a bridge that spanned a lovely little river. Water lilies floated in the water, and their blooms were painted in colors so delicate that the little boy thought he could almost reach out and pick one. The inside of the plate was creamy white, and the rim was painted in gold that shone brightly in the light of the
fireplace.
"This is too much," said mother. She ran her hand over the edge, taking in the smooth coolness under her fingertips. She turned the plate over in her hands, watching the way the light played across the translucent finish.
"I have never seen anything so beautiful!" she cried. "This is the best Christmas ever!" She stood up and gently lifted the plate and placed it on the mantle in between a pair of silver candlesticks. She stepped back to admire it and smiled. Then she sat down once again and reached for the last present.
This package was different from all the rest. It had a bow made from many bits of different colored yarn that was tied around wrapping paper made from a brown paper grocery bag. Stars and swirls of color were drawn all over the paper in crayon; the artist seemingly determined to use every color in the crayon box. This box was not wrapped as neatly as the others; its corners were not perfectly crisp and the tape stuck out in places. Nevertheless, she lifted it gingerly into her lap and opened it with care.
Inside the rather sorry-looking wrapping was an even sorrier-looking item. It was a pot made of clay.
"What's this?" she asked, lifting the pot from its box and turning it over in her hands. "Is this for me?" The poor little pot was thicker on one side than the other and was painted with bright yellow and orange flowers that could only be described as "noisy". The rim of the pot, if indeed the pot had a rim, was painted blue with yellow spots. There were thumb-prints dried into the bottom and it didn't sit quite straight on the table. It leaned to one side in a way that looked
to the little boy as if the clay had partially melted. Mother held it out at arm's length, blue eyes scanning the lumpy clay. "Did you make this for me?" she said, smiling to the little boy.
"Yes", he nodded looking nervously at the floor. He had spent a whole afternoon on it. His eyes traveled to the mantle where the china plate sat, gleaming regally.
"But it.s not very good". He said.
"Not very good?! Well I think it.s wonderful." Said mother. She reached out and ruffled the boy's unruly hair. She carried the little pot to the kitchen where she placed it on the table. It wobbled just a little, but otherwise stayed put.
In time the holidays passed as holidays do, and the little boy grew up as little boys do. Through the years, the beautiful china plate with the cranes and ladies on it stayed on the mantle; and the little boy.s mother dusted it once a week. When
people visited, she always took them to see the mantle where the plate stood between the candlesticks.
"This is my beautiful china plate", she told them. "I got it for Christmas but we mustn't use it. It's much too delicate." The company nodded solemnly and moved on.
When the children grew up, and left to start families of their own, Mother and Father decided to move to a smaller house. The beautiful china plate was lovingly and carefully wrapped up in its bubble-wrap and confetti and placed into the new
attic along with the candle sticks, and other boxes filled with photo albums and baby clothes that had long been outgrown. When the little boy, who was not so little any more, came to visit he found the old, lumpy clay pot filled with apples
and sitting on the dining room table. The noisy little flowers were faded now, and somebody had glued a little piece of cork to the bottom so that the pot no longer wobbled. "I didn't think you had kept this", he said thinking sullenly back to that morning with the tree and the china plate, where was that plate anyway?
He looked around.
No plate.
"Oh dear!!" Mother laughed. "I don't know what I'd do without my little clay pot!"
She removed the fruit and turned the pot over lovingly. "It still has your little thumb prints here all over the bottom! This pot used to have all my paper clips in it. Do you remember when it sat on Father's desk?"
The young man nodded.
"And I planted grandma's pansies in it, before they got too big in the Spring."
She went on, "And last Summer we filled it with sand and used it to prop open the
screen door! I kept my gardening supplies in it this Fall and it held down the paper
on my desk when I was working on the Christmas cards. Last week I had it filled
with pens and pencils by the phone! This pot has been the best present I've
ever gotten, and you made it for me all by yourself!"
The young man smiled and put the pot back on the table. He took a bite out of an
apple, then, whistling happily, he followed his mother into the kitchen for something to drink.
Monday, December 10, 2012
On Meditation
"Many people think that meditation is the process of training the mind. I prefer to think of it as a process by which we learn to percieve with the heart without the conscious or unconscious judgement and self-editing of the human mind. When someone says "keep this in mind", I think "Take this to heart" because I think that the heart is really the seat of Human intelligence and the key to global consciousness."
-Grace Gemini
-Grace Gemini
Friday, December 07, 2012
Faith
"It is inconceivable to me that a Universe in
which anything is possible could present us with a life full of
challenges without also giving us the means to overcome them."
- Grace Gemini
- Grace Gemini
Monday, November 26, 2012
Positive Thinking is an oxymoron
A dear friend on Facebook posted this article:
http://www.salon.com/2012/11/25/positive_thinking_is_for_suckers/
I was moved to post an answer, then again inspired to post it here. Enjoy!
***********************************************************************************
The assumption that all people are at the mercy of their cyclical, negative thoughts with no hope in sight is very typical of Western brain-centric ideology. I agree that to approach the concept of happiness from that perspective is an uphill battle on wheels.
However, from a Spiritualist perspective-my perspective- thought exists to be used as a tool to generate the feelings of happiness that we aim for. This is why affirmations don’t work for most people. We can stomp across a stage or read positive statements til we’re blue in the face but if we don’t feel them; and more importantly train ourselves so we carry the positive feeling until it becomes habitual, they won’t work to make us happy. The less effort; the better. This “short circuits” those ruminant patterns of thought that can sabotage us. ( meditation is a great tool in helping individuals break these habits)
Author Gregg Braden has a very interesting story about his visit to a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery where he asks the abbot t about the importance of all the paraphernalia around the monks during their prayers. He was told that all the accoutrements are meaningless since they exist to generate the feeling, and “The Feeling is the Prayer.”
http://unslavedmedia.net/unslavedmedia/watch_video.php?v=Y4YKNMSAAOA8 (check around timer 8:18)
A good book that approaches this subject is called “The Heart’s Code”, by Author Paul Pearsall. Pearsall describes the American belief in the superiority of the brain, and puts forth a very convincing argument that it is just this kind of “positive thinking” that keeps most of us from the happiness we seek. He states that for most Americans, any kind of sentiment- and by that, I mean what is felt, not purchased from Hallmark- makes us very uncomfortable.
Happiness is effortless.
This is not to say that it does not take some focus to get there. Those who achieve it are those who have conditioned their "ambient thoughts" to a place of neutrality and acceptance-with a healthy dose of your Buddhist "non-attachment".
Where modern Spiritual seekers run afoul of concepts like the Law of Attraction, “Motivational Speakers” or The Secret, is by
1) Aiming for something that they think will make them happy (instead of aiming for the happiness itself)
2) assuming that it is the words alone that will give them the outcome they desire.
Therefore, Secret behind the Secret, and what I think Burkeman is saying here, is that what you are, in effect, reaching for (though “reaching” may be too active a word in this context) is the feeling of well-being in spite of the prevailing circumstance. When you are already enjoying the feeling, suddenly the outcome doesn’t mean as much.
Whatever gets you there is irrelevant.
http://www.salon.com/2012/11/25/positive_thinking_is_for_suckers/
I was moved to post an answer, then again inspired to post it here. Enjoy!
The assumption that all people are at the mercy of their cyclical, negative thoughts with no hope in sight is very typical of Western brain-centric ideology. I agree that to approach the concept of happiness from that perspective is an uphill battle on wheels.
However, from a Spiritualist perspective-my perspective- thought exists to be used as a tool to generate the feelings of happiness that we aim for. This is why affirmations don’t work for most people. We can stomp across a stage or read positive statements til we’re blue in the face but if we don’t feel them; and more importantly train ourselves so we carry the positive feeling until it becomes habitual, they won’t work to make us happy. The less effort; the better. This “short circuits” those ruminant patterns of thought that can sabotage us. ( meditation is a great tool in helping individuals break these habits)
Author Gregg Braden has a very interesting story about his visit to a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery where he asks the abbot t about the importance of all the paraphernalia around the monks during their prayers. He was told that all the accoutrements are meaningless since they exist to generate the feeling, and “The Feeling is the Prayer.”
http://unslavedmedia.net/unslavedmedia/watch_video.php?v=Y4YKNMSAAOA8 (check around timer 8:18)
A good book that approaches this subject is called “The Heart’s Code”, by Author Paul Pearsall. Pearsall describes the American belief in the superiority of the brain, and puts forth a very convincing argument that it is just this kind of “positive thinking” that keeps most of us from the happiness we seek. He states that for most Americans, any kind of sentiment- and by that, I mean what is felt, not purchased from Hallmark- makes us very uncomfortable.
Happiness is effortless.
This is not to say that it does not take some focus to get there. Those who achieve it are those who have conditioned their "ambient thoughts" to a place of neutrality and acceptance-with a healthy dose of your Buddhist "non-attachment".
Where modern Spiritual seekers run afoul of concepts like the Law of Attraction, “Motivational Speakers” or The Secret, is by
1) Aiming for something that they think will make them happy (instead of aiming for the happiness itself)
2) assuming that it is the words alone that will give them the outcome they desire.
Therefore, Secret behind the Secret, and what I think Burkeman is saying here, is that what you are, in effect, reaching for (though “reaching” may be too active a word in this context) is the feeling of well-being in spite of the prevailing circumstance. When you are already enjoying the feeling, suddenly the outcome doesn’t mean as much.
Whatever gets you there is irrelevant.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
For Those Of You Who Are Becoming Real
FOR THOSE WHO ARE BECOMING REAL:
“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
All higher consciousness asks the same question; “Who are you, What are you?”
To answer this, we often begin by applying the appealing qualities of others onto our self-image like a patch on a pair of jeans. This is who I am.
When we realize that, in spite of our efforts, those parts we emulate in others remain outside ourselves, we begin to search for the qualities that are truly embodied within ourselves.
Sometimes we discover within us the same facets we admired in others; and sometimes not. But we always feel a little silly when we realize that we have lived life in its most superficial sense. It is exhausting, because we are taking unto ourselves, the weight of those things that do not belong to us.
There is no shame in this.
We are designed to learn through our associations with others.
It is your experiences that teach you-words do not teach, connections teach. When you are waking up, and carrying only what truly belongs to you, other connections do not drain you, and you suddenly realize how important those connections truly are.
They become your wings.
“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
All higher consciousness asks the same question; “Who are you, What are you?”
To answer this, we often begin by applying the appealing qualities of others onto our self-image like a patch on a pair of jeans. This is who I am.
When we realize that, in spite of our efforts, those parts we emulate in others remain outside ourselves, we begin to search for the qualities that are truly embodied within ourselves.
Sometimes we discover within us the same facets we admired in others; and sometimes not. But we always feel a little silly when we realize that we have lived life in its most superficial sense. It is exhausting, because we are taking unto ourselves, the weight of those things that do not belong to us.
There is no shame in this.
We are designed to learn through our associations with others.
It is your experiences that teach you-words do not teach, connections teach. When you are waking up, and carrying only what truly belongs to you, other connections do not drain you, and you suddenly realize how important those connections truly are.
They become your wings.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
You Don't Have To Like Me
You are under no obligation to like me.
You don’t have to like everything I do.
Feel free to like only some of the things I do, or some of the things I believe, or think or feel.
Or none of them.
You can organize and categorize every aspect of me, and pick and choose from any column and in any combination.
You can completely customize your vision of me, and then you can toss it all back and choose again.
You can like most of me, some of me or none of me. It’s your choice.
You can like me, or you can like what you think I am.
You do not have to know me at all.
It doesn’t matter.
Though what you think about me may, temporarily, peripherally or superficially cause me some sadness, it doesn’t make me a bad person.
In fact, it says nothing at all about me.
I choose whether or not to hold onto that sadness.
I release any need to have anyone choose anything in particular. I relieve you of the responsibility of pretending.
I do this because *I* like me.
I can do this because I know who I am.
I can do this because I take responsibility for my own happiness.
I know that happiness is a choice.
How much happier would you have been if you could say the same to your friends; your lovers? To your family?
You don’t have to like everything I do.
Feel free to like only some of the things I do, or some of the things I believe, or think or feel.
Or none of them.
You can organize and categorize every aspect of me, and pick and choose from any column and in any combination.
You can completely customize your vision of me, and then you can toss it all back and choose again.
You can like most of me, some of me or none of me. It’s your choice.
You can like me, or you can like what you think I am.
You do not have to know me at all.
It doesn’t matter.
Though what you think about me may, temporarily, peripherally or superficially cause me some sadness, it doesn’t make me a bad person.
In fact, it says nothing at all about me.
I choose whether or not to hold onto that sadness.
I release any need to have anyone choose anything in particular. I relieve you of the responsibility of pretending.
I do this because *I* like me.
I can do this because I know who I am.
I can do this because I take responsibility for my own happiness.
I know that happiness is a choice.
How much happier would you have been if you could say the same to your friends; your lovers? To your family?
Thursday, November 01, 2012
In All Growth There Is Some Pain
Many people ask me why there is such pain involved in Spiritual Growth. The answer is simple, though difficult to hear;
In order to experience yourself as what you are, you must first experience what you are not.
This is part of the duality of the Universe and even Einstein was aware of it when he conceived his theory of relativity. In order for something to know itself, it must have something
In order to experience yourself as what you are, you must first experience what you are not.
This is part of the duality of the Universe and even Einstein was aware of it when he conceived his theory of relativity. In order for something to know itself, it must have something
to compare itself to.
In order to understand something in this Universe, there must be a starting point, and a point of comparison. To destroy something, it must first have been created. And to create something, it must be able to be created from a point of “being-not”.
In simple terms, this means that in order for you to know that you have the power of creation within you, you must first create. In order to create yourself, you must first un-create yourself. So what you were, must first be destroyed in order for you to create it.
Got it?
This is what is meant by the “Alpha and the Omega”, the beginning and the end. The two are connected and dependent on each other.
“But if I am a part of God, how can I not be what I am?”
I’m glad you asked that.
You can’t.
But you *can* forget, and in coming to this physical Universe to know experientially what you had previously only understood conceptually, you did just that. We are here to experience the process of coming to know who we are (or not), and to make the choices (or not) that lead us there.
This is why, what we experience is termed “re-membering”, because we are becoming again what we were. We are re-joining the whole of All-That-Is (which previously was “All That Was” until we added to it).
You exist.
You choose.
You emerge (here)
You experience
You destroy
You create
You remember.
You already know.
I’m just here to re-mind you.
In order to understand something in this Universe, there must be a starting point, and a point of comparison. To destroy something, it must first have been created. And to create something, it must be able to be created from a point of “being-not”.
In simple terms, this means that in order for you to know that you have the power of creation within you, you must first create. In order to create yourself, you must first un-create yourself. So what you were, must first be destroyed in order for you to create it.
Got it?
This is what is meant by the “Alpha and the Omega”, the beginning and the end. The two are connected and dependent on each other.
“But if I am a part of God, how can I not be what I am?”
I’m glad you asked that.
You can’t.
But you *can* forget, and in coming to this physical Universe to know experientially what you had previously only understood conceptually, you did just that. We are here to experience the process of coming to know who we are (or not), and to make the choices (or not) that lead us there.
This is why, what we experience is termed “re-membering”, because we are becoming again what we were. We are re-joining the whole of All-That-Is (which previously was “All That Was” until we added to it).
You exist.
You choose.
You emerge (here)
You experience
You destroy
You create
You remember.
You already know.
I’m just here to re-mind you.
Friday, October 26, 2012
On Repeating Numbers
I've seen so many sites and it seems that a whole lot of people have put a whole lot of time into "defining" just what these numbers mean-books, websites, pamphlets, angels, specific meanings, blogs. wow.
Some of the "meanings" aren't really that positive from my perspective, "Your agels aren't with you" or "brace for change"-and sometimes that brings me down; so I decided to do it this way;
I told the Universe that coming across repeating numbers is simply an indication to me, sent by my higher self, that I'm ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
Thanks to all those people who spent so much time and effort in breaking it all down, and I'm sure that it works for them, but I'm not going to worry about what 9's mean, or if I prefer 3's to 5's-if I see them, I just know I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING, and I smile.
I have noticed that since I decided that, they are coming up a LOT more often!
I think I did the right thing.
:)
Thursday, October 11, 2012
When Life Gets Rough, Remember Why You Are Here.
You’re here to *learn* things.
Not to know things.
That’s a very important distinction.
You’re not here to *know* lessons-you’re not here so that this information magically appears inside your head.
...
It was the *process* of learning that was important to you, with all it’s delays, issues and effort and pain. Have faith that everything you experience is a part of that learning- the reason that you are here.
The journey *IS* the destination. So relish it.
The journey *IS* the destination. So relish it.
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