The Eggs

The Eggs

There was a boy who was employed to carry eggs from the chicken coops at one end of a farm to the farmer's wife in her kitchen at the other end.  As the chickens laid eggs very slowly, he decided that it would be best to transport the eggs one at a time. And so whenever a chicken laid an egg, the boy put the egg in his basket and took it to the farmer.s wife.
He went on quite well until, one day, he stumbled on a rock. The egg rolled out of the basket, onto the ground and broke. The boy picked up all the broken pieces of shell, scooped up the gooey insides along with the dirt they had fallen on and put it all back in his basket. Then he went back to wait for the chickens to lay the next egg.
Unfortunately, the broken eggshells took up a lot of room in the basket and so the boy had to balance the next egg on top of the pile. Sure enough, the new egg slipped out of the basket before he reached the farmer's wife. So again, he picked up all the eggshells, scooped up all the other stuff and put it all back in his basket. Luckily, the chickens had laid another egg and so he carefully placed the egg on top of the pile and went on his way.
This time he walked veeeeerrrrry slooooowwwwly and carefully and he made it all the way into the yard by the kitchen door before the egg tumbled to the ground.  By this time the poor boy was quite upset and he began to cry very loudly. So loudly, that the farmer's wife came outside and asked the boy what the matter was.
"I was carrying an egg to you but it broke" he said, "so I put all the pieces back in the basket and went back for more eggs. They all broke too."  So I had to go back again, and again but by this time my basket was so full of eggshells and egg-insides that every egg I put in there fell out." and he sniffled and wiped away a tear.
"Oh dear",. said the farmer's wife. "This wont do at all."
So she emptied the basket full of egg into the slops heap for the pigs, and wiped it clean with the corner of her apron.  Then, she handed the basket back to the boy.
"There, there now, don't feel bad dear.", she smiled. "You see that even your broken eggs had a use, and your basket is now clean enough to fit more of the perfect ones."
The boy thanked her very much and left for the chicken coops again with his clean, empty basket. Along the way, he sang a little song:

"Out with the old to make room for the new!
That's how I work, and you should too!
Else you end up with egg on you!"

The moral of the story is more than "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
When we make a mistake, many of us gather up the pieces of that mistake and carry them with us. The problem is that filling ourselves up with the remnants of past mistakes by bringing them up over and over again leaves us little room in our "baskets" for new experiences. Best to admit to the mistake, let it go and move on. If we find a way to make use of what we've learned then so much the better!

Let Go Of The Past

Someone I know is fond of saying that she is living the last ten years of her life over and over again; it's much truer than she knows.
It got me thinking about the last few years of *my* life--and the events that have
brought me to this point; and I realized that I am also "living the last ten years of
my life".
Every day, I spend time thinking about what has happened in that time, all the
mistakes I've made, hurtful things suffered at the hands of others, things I've
lost--just like this lady--and I have been forgetting one of the most basic of all
Huna principals "The moment of power is now".

As humans, we all live in linear time, which is really just a paradigm that forms the
boundaries around our lives so we can understand what is going on. In a nutshell it
means we begin at the beginning and finish at the end. "Power" is defined by the
amount of influence one thing has over another, therefore we have no "power" to
change the past (not yet, at least). Likewise, although we might have influence over
our paths, we cannot directly affect the future either. Well, folks, that leaves...you
got it...now.

The only moment of power we truly have is in this very second. So perhaps the
important question is not "what did I do then" but rather "what can I do now?". My
friend robs herself of power daily by dwelling on past mistakes and injustices. She
lets her experiences then frame her reactions to her experiences now. Her
relationships have suffered, she has not accomplished what she wants to do.
Likewise, she robs herself of power by worrying about what the future will bring
her. Notice I say "will bring her" because with this mind-set she believes that life is
something that happens to her. That sure as hell looks to me like she has given up
the steering wheel.
This leaves me with some interesting conclusions;

1) it is impossible to live in the present without letting go of the past (meaning; old
patterns that still hamper you).

2) it is impossible to plan for the future without living in the present.

3) the only influence the past can have over us is what we allow it to have.

4) Everything changes.

5) breaking old patterns is the key to living in the present.

To apply the principal;
I think that people often miss out on some of the more valuable interactions in life
by looking at one thing but truly seeing something else--something whose image is
generated by patterns created by past events.
Take each day as it comes. Don't hold yourself back from trying something
because something in your past gave you pain--this limits you and steals your
power.
See things as they are now, not what you think they might become or as they
"should be".
Coincidentally, I've recently been contacted by a few old acquaintances from many
years ago. I'm not sure what they're expecting, but I feel that it's important for me
to say the following;
See me as I am now. I made many mistakes. I was trapped in the past and by the
future when you knew me but that doesn't mean I love you any less. If I offended
you or hurt you, by word or deed then please forgive me. I am not now what I was
then, please give me the benefit of the doubt and take the time to get to know me
again.
I have learned a lot. I am a much more valuable person because of it. I will have
skills that will benefit you and I give them willingly in appreciation of your
friendship, and I will not ask for more than you can give.
Give me a chance, moment-to-moment. Don't look away to the past.
Realize that fear of dealing with me comes from you and coming from you can be
conquered by you.
Don.t see me as I was, don't picture me as you would like me to be. Be with me
now, in this moment thus preserving your power and mine.

Are you? Am I?

Someone on a dating site recently told me that I was “Emotionally Unavailable” because of the way I worded my profile.
Specifically, he took issue with my identification as “monogamous” and “seeing someone” relative to the fact that I still had a profile on the site in the first place.  He said that by maintaining an active profile, I was doing nothing more than “setting up other men for eventual disappointment when they find that they can not occupy a place in (my) your emotions”
This guy has no idea who I am, and so this kind of pissed me off.  But he struck a nerve-and after my shock at the strength my own reaction, I took another look at myself.
Was it true?
My partner (for lack of a better choice of labels) is not monogamous, and I accept him completely and without reservation.
Being monogamous myself, this means I get challenged emotionally.  
A Lot.
It’s not easy to be brave, or to stay positive; and sometimes frankly I get frustrated.  Sure, I could conceivably go searching for someone who thought exactly the way I do.  Perhaps I’d even find him, and maybe it would be pleasant.  Add that to the other issues involved in living my life-financial, health, and emotional  woes included, and maybe it *would* be easier to function by shutting down completely. 
But I don’t.
I asked myself “What would it be like to have an easy life?”
And my immediate thought was; “But where’s the growth in that?”
Where’s.
The.
Growth.
In.
That.
I chose this relationship, as I’ve chosen many other things in my life, in part for the growth it provides.  I choose because I see and understand that there are many different ways of living a life.  From his comment, I see that “Mr. Unavailable” sees things in more rigid terms.  If A is correct, then B is incorrect-so to speak.  There is nothing really wrong with that, but I have a different perspective where both A and B are correct, nothing is really exclusive.
I’ll be the first one to admit that monogamous and non-monogamous creates an unusual pairing.  My partner and I catch static from both sides. It takes some work.  In order to communicate my needs to someone who is occasionally focused elsewhere, I need to be in touch with my own feelings.  I need to know what stems from a situation and what might be concerned more with some insecurity on my part.  I need to be alert and sensitive to his signals when perhaps more space is needed.  I need to be adept at identifying the thought patterns that do not serve me, and finding the things that I really enjoy doing to stay centered.
In other words, in order to function on all these levels it is absolutely essential that I remain aware and open emotionally
I have to have the strength to realize who I am and admit it, even though it might be more comforting to bow to outside pressure, or fool myself into believing that I’m something I’m not.  And I see my partner for who he is, though it may be tempting to soothe myself with the thought and false hope that somehow I could “change” him.
Sure, I’m scared. I could get hurt.  But I’m learning as I go.  So is he.
So far, so good.
So, you see, Mr. “Emotionally Unavailable”, I understand where you are coming from.  I understand that your comment was an expression of fear-nobody wants to get hurt.  And hopefully now you see that my profile here is less of an attempt to “set people up for failure” and more of a testament to my belief in the value of all individuals to add to a life-even if it’s not sexually.
It’s not easy, but I do it and have faith that whatever happens will be for the best.
Can’t be more open than that.

On Being Selfish

"The more you wake up in Life, the more you realize that 'selfish' isn't the negative word you thought it was. You are A Universe of 1; complete, self-contained and infinite. Since everything you see in your world is a reflection of you, the only thing you can do is focus on your own happiness and you will see that happiness reflected back to you in the form of the people and situations around you. So being "selfish" is the first step in helping 'The World' to be at its very best. "
-Grace Gemini

What Good May Come Of It-A Father's Legacy

There is no delicate way of saying this.

My father was a crook.

And a recent reunion of 3 of his 6 children from 5 different mothers sparked a conversation about his life and how sad it was that such an apparently brilliant man wasted his intelligence and skills on a life of crime.

As a Shaman, I appreciate the lessons that we come to this Earth to learn when it comes to the larger picture.  I understand that, in Spiritual terms, my father's existence provides lessons and experiences that are unique to his children and what we do with those lessons helps us to realize who we are.  For that, at least, I am forever grateful to the man and his spirit for being there to teach me that.
Yeah.
Sure.
Right.
;)

But it seemed, on another, more "Earthy" and In-Your-Face level, to be such a sad waste of talent and potential for him to have gone the way he did.  My awareness of the "bigger picture" did little to soothe the hurt feelings of the 3 year old child inside me who became aware that there was something "different" about my history with respect to other children.  What my family avoided speaking about told me much more than the short, terse answers I got when I was old enough to start asking difficult questions.  It's hard not to assume that this somehow reflects on your worth as a person; especially for a child.
The mothers of his children have a particular point of view concerning their experiences with my father, and their opinions are, shall we say, less than complementary.
Before I met these men, my brothers, I was resigned to incorporate this vibration into my own being, and thought I had made peace with it all.  But as we chatted easily together, it became apparent that there might be a connection that transcended the common pain and chaos our father had caused for each of us.  As we exchanged the bits of knowledge that we had, and discovered more about this man, we slowly discovered things about each other that provided a different picture.

From my brother Joe, I learned that my father painted and had considered attending art school at one time.  Painting is a skill I discovered for myself only recently- it surprised me more than anyone, but it made sense to me that somehow I may have inherited this unknown talent in part from my father.

From my brother James, we learned that my father had studied law and became a paralegal while still incarcerated.  My brother James certainly inherited this practical intelligence and became a successful businessman who left a steady job to strike out on his own.  In the middle of a recession, he used his skills and knowledge as an engineer to build his own branch of an international company. He had the flexibility to accept and appreciate his two sons for the exceptional individuals they are, and they have flourished. 

Out of the 6 of us, Joe spent the longest time with our father in his life, and though he had more of a negative example, he turned it around and took away important lessons concerning family and responsibility.  He works hard providing for his 3 daughters in a way that our father never did.  He channeled his anger into martial arts, and is still well-remembered in relevant circles as a talented Thai Kick-boxer and instructor.  Joe balanced his physical existence with a deeply Spiritual side.  He takes pride in that, and so do the rest of us.

Though I do not know them as well, I can see that my father's legacy was not limited to the three of us.  My sister Marjory has a sense of aesthetic that rivals the most experienced interior designer.  She built a beautiful home for her family.
My sister Alicia, however, inherited our father's temper.  But, instead of turning those feelings into negative actions, she developed a sense of justice and outspokenness that we all admired.  Unfortunately, she passed away before I could meet her in person, but we did speak often by phone.  We both worked hard to put ourselves through school and we shared stories about those challenges.  Of all of us, it was Alicia who was able to stand up to our father and tell him in no uncertain terms just what she thought of him.  And though we may have cringed a little on the outside when she did it, inside we were all cheering her on for doing what we all wish we had the guts to do for ourselves. 

Of the 6, I know the least about George, who lives a quiet life in the mid-west with his wife and children.  He doesn't seem to feel the need to put what happened in perspective, nor does he seem to spend a lot of time soul-searching and sharing his experiences with the rest of his siblings.  Maybe our father, who was a poor Cuban immigrant, did what he did on some level in order to fit in with his ideal of the rich, successful American. Of course, what we do, we do because we think that it will make us happy, and it seems that, out of all of us, George has come the closest to realizing the kind of life that our father wanted.   George seems happy.  Without the glamor, without the glitz and showy possessions; he is happy.
Perhaps that's the greatest gift of all.

Looking at all of us through the lens of greater understanding, my brothers James and Joe and I realized that our father's life may not have been as much of a waste as we had thought.  Though there are many holes in the story that may never be filled in, we know that in terms of his children at least, there was a positive outcome to my father's existence.
I can know who I am, and be proud of who I am.  Partially because of it all, and admittedly partially in spite of it all-but nonetheless; proud of all of who I am; the negative and the positive.
And I have a great family.
I've said that before.
But until now I've never been able to say this;
Thanks, Dad.

The Means To The End

"Sometimes, you are not meant to be the way in which a problem is solved. Sometimes you are simply another stone in the path towards the solution and not the solution itself. Do what you can do, within a framework of what allows you to look at yourself in the mirror and respect yourself the next morning; and trust that the next stone will appear when it is needed."
- Grace Gemini